User:Cockroach/2 flye boyz

2 Flye Boyz are a theatrical rap/opera supergroup from Auckland New Zealand. 2 Flye Boyz are comprised of two undoubtedly fly boys, as the name suggests.

Formation

2 Flye Boyz were formed on the night of Febuary 13th, 2006 after the execution of multiple tequila laybacks. Childhood friends Kerry and Levon reached that horrible level of drunkeness where people with no musical talent decide to make a band, get naked and engage in sexual acts which change the nature of their relationship. A park bench, a neck brace and a stomach pumping later the supergroup has not looked back, recently releasing their critically acclaimed debut album,"2 Flye Boyz:U Kant Spell Thug Wit Out Hug". They both come from moderately successful careers as rap artists, Kerry as Emcee Def G and Levon as Chinatown aka MaoriStyle. They aim to spread the word of rich Jesus (not the Jesus of biblical fame, but the re-incarnation of Jesus, Brian Tamaki, one of Levons' uncles, generally regarded as one of the most liberated and open minded of all New Zealanders) and on Sundays hunt "immoral" infidels and Pakistani overstayers. Their greatest success was the discovery of a couple of Pakis hiding in the icecream fridge of the local (ghetto) dairy.

Members

2 Flye Boyz is the worlds first Slavic Maori combination rap group.Kerry (rapper/promoter/pitcher) is Croatian and henceforth the Slav. Levon (rapper/mascot/catcher)from New Zealand is the Maori.

Kerry

Kerry is a disgraced ex-member of the Mensa society. There was an incident at a function of geniuses'. Lets just say he groped the wrong daughter( in his defense, she does look at least nine, maybe even nine and a half), and all of a sudden "he's not genius anymore". Kerry provides the group with intelligence, along with the associated problems such as pettiness and hatred towards the society which both physically and metaphorically kicked him in what little crotch he posseses. He is well known for his substance abuse and the outlandish claims he makes whilst under the influence, such as "If you keep looking at me in that tone of voice, I will transplant your tastebuds into your rectum, so when you shit you taste it!. Kerry feels the need to be the centre of attention at all times, and once ate his own feces to attract the attention of some elderly people watching Hayleys Comet. Kerry had a fear of running water, but he is overcoming his phobia, and says "Now its just an inconvineince". Kerry has a semi-successful career as a peeping-tom. Kerry may have an I.Q of 165, but lacks common sense. For example, when Levon wrote the word "heavy" in front of the words "Petting Zoo", Kerry, who likes animals a bit too much, engaged in acts usually only seen in all boys schools, Abu Gharib prision and Pakistani pornography.

Levon

Levon, as mentioned, is Maori, hence drunk. He developed alchoholism at a young stage of fetal development, even by Maori standards (5 months due). As a Maori, Levon is naturally gifted at things such as lying, "theifing", abusing probation privliges gaining government funding. As a matter of fact, he was recently heard describing his families' back round- "I come from a long line of antique toy collectors...my family has been collecting the dole since forever!". This type of play on words is evident in many songs performed by 2 Flye Boyz. Levon has little future, and should 2 Flye Boyz fail, he will be overcome by his genetic calling and form a gang, rob petrol stations and father many children to many, many women. The term "Xmas lamb-on-the-spit" takes on new meaning at Maori festivities. Levon is dumber than he looks, which is hard to imagine. Geologists have determined Levon is more dense than granite. Levon can run a perfect square in 14 seconds. Levon felt like a man trapped in a womans body, but then he was born. Levon is currently the subject of a police investigation. Lets just say that his defense "I thought child porn was pornography for children! Honest" is set to fail. Levon is a what he calls a "Fritter Bug". Nobody knows what this means, but as with all things Maori, assume it is bad, and most probably illegal. Levon is a very placcid individual, unless you look him in the eyes, which he considers a challenge. "Black Rage" ensues. He recently was accepted into the Maori society on the 1st Thursday after his eighteenth birthday, as part of a ceremony outside the Kaitaia WINZ branch, in front of a crowd, sorry queue, of hundreds.

Style

As a group of mixed nationality, 2 Flye Boyz have a unique approach to rap music, which makes it sound even worse than usual. Their sound has been described like "a cross between two pre-pubescent girls singing death metal and a lady sobbing as she beats a baby against a cat in front of an audience comprised half of people that hate cats and half of people that love babies...a bit too much, if you catch my drift, and you probably do because you are smart cookie.". They sample music from radio jingles and Asian pop songs They dress in out of season clothing, slur and dribble, although this may be a result of their consumption of "Fritters" . They are dirty in appearance, especially Kerry, who sweats a lot but showers seldom. They rap about innovative topics such as life in the ghetto, drug and Pakistani dealing, the joys of same sex hetero-exploreitory mutual masturbation, bitches, mo' bitches and their own fly-ness. They embrace the style of no style in the manner of a really horny,fat bald uncle hugging/groping his attractive neice.

Popularity

Suprisingly, the band has not recieved fan mail. However, they have a rapidly growing fan base, in the form of a bamboo plant named Stiffy. They blame their lack of success on rival crew "g-unit", and even tried to create beef with the group on the track "G-eunuch-nutless wonders". They have an elderly lesbian fan named Edna, who accosted Kerry in a dark alley after their first performance, perhaps mistaking him for a female due to his long hair and androgonus name. She found a surprise, albeit small, in his pants, but continued with her accosting, focusing on Kerrys' lips. Levon saw, he filmed, he blackmailed. 2 Flye Boyz have a large following in the suburb of Howick, and in Croatia, in particular, Kerrys' native coastal village called (uncomprehensible grunt-sorry its just that the Croatian language is primitive and it can only be written on cave walls using a stick tarnished with feces). They sold their entire goat named Jasmine to buy 2 Flye Boyz's first album. As a matter of fact, they sold Jasmine to the country of Pakistan, where it was promptly bequeathed to their pornography industry.

Discography

Their first single released was named "2 Flye Boyz make sum noise". It is all about the noise making exploits of two boys, who are fly. This is evident in the lyrics-

"2 Flye Boyz/(i checkin' it,i wreakin' it)

noise making/

I aint faking/

my dole taking/

what choo think about that?

"2 Flye Boyz make sum noise" was released as a single on May 1st,2006. It sucked at the charts, because only 23 people and a Pakistani have had the misfortune of hearing it.

Two Flye Boyz were not put off by the poor reception, and released a follow up single called "P.I.M.P S.L.A.P". The album "2 Flye Boyz:U Kant Spell Thug Wit Out Hug" quickly followed, hoping to both coincide with and be a challenge to "Stadium Arcadium" by The Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Both copies of the album managed to sell, however the critical response seemed united in the general opinion that 2 Flye Boyz had failed to let their voices mature to their true potential. As a matter of fact, one fan was overheard saying "They put a 'c' in front of rap", another "I had low expectations, but somehow they managed to burrow right under them." The albums notable tracks are

1. -Coming Down Off The Fritters
2. -I Can't Spell Luv Without U
3. -Ur Ugly, But You Look Like You Put Out
4. -Flye-Ghetto Gospel (Gotta give Destiny 20%)
5. -Flye-Ghetto Gospel (Brain Tamaki remix)
6. -Shake that Paki like a Crying Baby
7. -Jake the Mus Song.

Jake the Mus Song (Cook the Man Some Fucking Eggs)

This song is a masterpeice. It is the official anthem for the suburbs of Otara, Otahuhu, Remuwera and both Mangere East and South as well as Womens Rights New Zealand. The song is deep and moving, much like daytime television. It opens with Kerry beatboxing, then Levon rapping about the best places to strike a woman, the beauty of a well timed and well executed sucker punch and where to hit her so she doesn't bruise (for all the P.C guys). A drum machine attempts to take over Kerrys' beat as Kerry provides a harmony, then both of the Flye Boyz rap the chorus,then Kerry closes the song with a aggresive solo about how too many men neglect the use of knees when disiplining a woman, how to hurt her both physically and emotionally and usefull defenses in the court of law. Sample lyrics from the song~

"She cant pull your hair

if you break all her fingar

also injure her mentally-

just call her a minga "

"Just ask "Yo Luv-wats 4 Lunch"

When she comes close WHAMM-sucker punch

Then you say "Boyah!!it better be eggs-

otherwise il break your fuckin legs!"

Feuds

2 Flye Boyz are involved in a 2 major feuds.

G-unit and 50 cent

2 Flye Boyz instigated this fued to gain publicity for their debut album. 50 cent, who describes himself as a "kind man that loves puppies and police", has never heard of 2 Flye Boyz. The recent recipitent of the award for "Outstanding Musical Skill Depending On Color And Musical Taste Of The Beholder" should be afraid, as on the stinging track "G-eunuch-Nutless Wonders", Levon promises to his Lord Brian Tamaki that he will "Hit 50 cent so hard he becomes 25 cent" and Kerry vows to eat his own scrotum before listening to another G-unit song. The fued climaxed when an associate of 2 Flye Boyz tagged "G-Unit is gay" on the back seat of a school bus.

Society for the Protection of Obese, Overweight Fijians (S.P.O.O.F)

The whole S.P.O.O.F mess is rather sticky. The S.P.O.O.F has left a bad taste in kerrys' mouth. In fact, its better if we don't mention the whole, er... episode, because the S.P.O.O.F has left very nasty stains.

Controversies

The Black Eye Affair

On May the 6th, Levon and Kerry were rehearsing in front of a mirror for their upcoming concert at a street corner when Kerry made a racial slur. Levon, being a typical violent Maori, struck him in the eye with a tomato sauce bottle, which he was using as an improvised microphone at the time.They were both deeply sorry, and wrote a ballad about race relations, entitled 'Maori Slavic Love is Forever Like Cement', which is due to appear on their second album, entitled "Bitches 4 breeding is what a Nigga B Needing " . The album is said to be more experimental and mellow, and preaches wife bashing, lawn maintenence and peace in a weird thematical juxtaposition.

Porno

Kerry and Levon are also rumoured to have starred in 2 porno's, entitled "2 Flye Boyz Do Karachi", and "Boyz 2 Men-Groupie Love and Bondage". They will neither confirm nor deny.

Laying the Smack Down

Levon has been linked to a severe jandaling at the Avondale markets, which left one person requiring emergency circumsision, two dead and a 13 year old boy pregnant. The moral of the story - don't let a Flye Boy see you wearing a g-unit hat.

Prostituition

Kerry was arrested for soliciting a prostitute, but was released due to the fact that he was picking a female relative who gave birth to him up from work, a brothel.

Goat nuts and Kerrys' Face-the Connection

Kerry is also accused of slipping under a goat and accidentely sucking its testicles, but its not hard to figure out what happened. He got curious and decided to see if goat testicles are as tasty as they smell, a fair trade for 50 hours of community service. But who are we to judge?

Back Masking

If you play the chorus of the song "Ur Ugly, But U Look Like U Put Out", you hear the phrase

"Brian Tamaki is the way/

the truth/

and the life."

Someone who has spent that much to get his teeth that white is not to be trusted. Plus, Brian Tamaki has very wide set eyes, which is either the result of incestous activity or the influence of bunny magic.

In conclusion

2 Flye Boyz suck harder than a veteran hooker that wants to go on her lunch break. Avoid, avoid, avoid.