User:ArtemisFowlThe2nd/Chiyo Mihama
This page contains satire from a world on the reverse side of ours filled with flying Octopus balls, sideways waterfalls and big yellow cats (also flying), so don't judge too harshly because if you don't find it funny then someone like Giratina will. The fact that you found this satire means that you are either witnessing a huge event involving time and space or you are in an ancient cemetery where satire is slightly altered.
“This girl is too smart.... SHE MUST BE STOPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
How does one describe Artemis Fowl Chiyo Mihama? Various psychiatrists have tried and failed. The main problem is Chiyo’s own intelligence. He She bamboozles every test thrown at him her. He She has puzzled the greatest medical minds, and sent many of them gibbering to their own hospitals. There is no doubt that Artemis Chiyo is a child prodigy. But why does someone of such brilliance dedicate himself herself to criminal activity? This is a question that can be answered by only one person. And he she delights in not talking. Perhaps the best way to describe him her is with this article!!
Chiyo's Awsomeness[edit | edit source]
You just have to know that Chiyo Mihama has an undeniably funky beat! She is more powerful than Dialga and Palkia combined! Heck, she's more powerful than Chuck Norris and Arceus!!
Chiyo is a super pwner in many fields! She pwns You at Pokemon with her Lv.100 team of legendary pokemon!!!!! She pwns You at Street Fighter with SPINNING BIRD KICK!!!!!!!!!!!!! At one point Kaorin finds out that Sakaki lied about being good fighting games after she got SUPER ULTRA PWNED by Chiyo. She got into online gaming at one point but stopped after getting pwn3d by Konata Izumi
“Eye s734l a11 ur 3xp p01n7s n00b!!!”
Chiyo's Cuteness[edit | edit source]
Obey the kitty cat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE KITTY CAT PWNS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“I don't understand what's so special about Chiyo Mihama! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!”
“Don't act like You're special Pikachu! Just go to any forest or power plant and I could find tons of You! There's only one Chiyo Mihama!”
“Awwwwww look at the cute little human!!”
Just look at Her! Just try to say She's not cute! How could You NOT love Her!!!?
And if You don't then you're a cold heartless Evil and blind monster that's not of this world, the spirit world, NOT EVEN OF THE DISTORTION WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If not... Then You must be Tomo Takino!! (or Palkia)
Even some of the most evil things(non-coldheartlessevilblind things of course) in the world love Chiyo MIhama!!!!! Chiyo Mihama's cuteness stopped the Decepticons from destroying the all life on earth with Her famous Tsukurimashou, a song that can turn the darkest of beasts into defenseless n00bs!
“*Sniff* *Sniff*... SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!”
Watch out! Whatever You do, DO NOT make Chiyo angry! Or She may just use this song to destroy You! It is kown that her song is more powerful than "grasswhistle" and "Judgement" combined.
“Who or what the F*£$ is Chiyo Mihama, this HUMAN girl? This is not cute, it doesn't even come close to stopping me from destroying her; infact the only reason I haven't been able to destroy her is because Giratina protects her!”
“OH SHUT UP YOU!! I could kick your bum any day of the week You stupid dong!!!”
“You little punk!! Do You know how long people have been calling me a "space penis"!? I've had to deal with this all my life!!!! *Cries*”
“Awwww..... Chiyo Mihama's so cute!! IT"S TOO BAD I'M STUCK IN THIS STUPID DISTORTION WORLD!!!!!! JUST YOU WAIT ARCEUS I"LL SHOW YOU ONE DAY!!!!!!! *Cries*”
“Such a creature makes creating the universe worthwhile.....”
“Baloney!!!! Everyone knows I created the Universe!!!”
“SHUT UP GOD!!!! I Created the Universe and You know it!!!”
“Baloney!!!! Everyone knows I created the Universe!!!”
“JUST SHUT UP YOU NOOB!!!!!!”
“Baloney!!!! Everyone knows I created the Universe!!!”
“LIER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Baloney!!!! Everyone knows I created the Universe!!! And what kind of name is Arceus anyway?! Arceus sounds like arse”
“YOU BETTER SHUT UP NOW BEFOR I USE JUDGEMENT ON YOU, YA STUPID N00B!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Baloney!!!! Everyone knows I created the Universe!!! Also, at least I can't be caught in a Pokeball!!!!!!”
“You know.... You do realize I am You, right? You're just a different form of Me. So You're pretty much just arguing with Yourself!”
“Grrrrrr..... ONE DAY I'LL GET YOU!!!!!!! JUST YOU WAIT ARSE-EUS!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“ALL RIGHT I WARNED YOU!!!!!! IT'S JUDGEMENT DAY FOR YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!*Blast* *Blast* *Blast* *Blast* *Blast* *Blast* *Blast* *Blast*......*BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* ........... Wow..... That actually hurt a little bit....”
“ARCEUS YOU FOOL QUIT DESTROYING PARTS OF US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Chiyo's Intelligence[edit | edit source]
Now tell Me.................. HOW CAN ONE (TOTALLY AWESOME) GIRL BE SO SMART!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????? Recent scientific studies have shown that Chiyo Mihama, along with Miyuki Takara may have been the earliest descendent of Mew absorbing every one of its genes (especially its cuteness and Intelligence absorbing those two genes so much it rivals and sometimes surpasses Mew)(Haha Mew = Pwned by Chiyo) except for Mew's mastery of tongue twisters, Temper, evilness and fighting power.
“THAT STUPID LITTLE BRAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW CAN A NOOB HUMAN RIVAL ME IN PWNING POWERS”
The Chiyo Trio[edit | edit source]
The union of Chiyo Mihama (The Brains/Leader), Ayumu(osaka) Kasuga (The....... Spacey-ness??) And Sakaki (The Brawn)! What does it make? Why none other than the Chiyo Trio(A.K.A. The Triyo), a gang of ruffians always creating havoc Across the land of Japan! Their crimes include: Smashing mailboxes, robbing banks, tossing garden gnomes, ringing doorbells(and running away), randomly slapping people, and writing graffiti on Government buildings.
Crime Records (as of May 2nd 2009)[edit | edit source]
The Triyo so far has smashed 3453456 mailboxes, robbed 36 banks(global), tossed 600 garden gnomes, rang 9261 doorbells, slapped 264349 people at random(assuming they never slapped the same person twice), and graffitied on 369 government buildings(global).
The Original Triyo[edit | edit source]
Osaka and Sakaki weren't always part of the Chiyo Trio. The original triyo consisted of:Chiyo Mihama, Miruchi, And Yuka but had to break up after Chiyo skipped grades. Back in those days the Triyo wasn't so extreme, they were just annoying. VERY VERY VERY ANNOYING!!!!
The New Triyo[edit | edit source]
After the break up Chiyo felt depressed and was ready to give up on her life but then Chiyo met two people:Ayumu(Osaka)Kasuga and Sakaki! After becoming great friends with them She automatically thought:"IT'S TIME FOR A NEW CHIYO TRIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and was ready to start living again!
The Very Short Break-Up[edit | edit source]
Once on a random slapping spree the Triyo decided to target someone out of the ordinary:Yukari Tanizaki!!!! But did not realize that until after the slap.......... As You could guess The Triyo paid dearly for their action and got a VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY BRUTAL BEATING from Yukari..... And then broke up trying to blame each other for it(Despite it being everybody's fault). The Triyo soon later on the same day ran into each other again and decided to get over the fight by playing the Lotto, and getting Blotto(and forgetting the whole day) because that's their motto!
The Betrayal[edit | edit source]
At one point in time Osaka of The Triyo joined the rival Gang known as The Knuckleheads! This event caused a massive battle which resulted in 68 people hospitalized, 21 Deaths(All emos) (oh thank god!!!!), the destruction of class 4(haha Kimura Pwned), and horrific and traumatizing punishment by Yukari and the disband of The Knuckleheads.
Retirement[edit | edit source]
The Triyo is currently retired and has NO intention of going extreme again. The Triyo sometimes have reunions and go on short crime sprees such as:5 minute slapping sprees, writing small graffiti on sacred artifacts(well.... Maybe THAT is very extreme!!), denting up mailboxes, steal from a bank(You know all sneaky like and stuff), chiping up garden gnomes, and ringing a doorbell or two.
Chiyo's Nation[edit | edit source]
Yup! That's right! Chiyo has a stolen her own nation! The nation of Kawaii (Hawaii's long lost sister)(A.K.A Chihamaland by some people after The adorable Chiyo Mihama because of Her Awesome-ness)
is an odd shaped land that's shaped like two pigtails attached to each other.
They have a 0% crime rate (come on, who's going to disobey Chiyo Mihama) and have the highest job rate(how could You NOT be motivated in a country run by Chiyo Mihama!) in the world (America, Canada, You have a right to be jealous!!!!)
History[edit | edit source]
The Battle of Kawaii[edit | edit source]
One day, Kiyohiko Azuma (the creator of Azumanga Daioh was bored and hated His life. BUT THEN!!!!!!!! An idea came! Then He started knitting,and knitting, and knitting, and knitting, and knitting, and knitting, and knitting, and knitting, and KNITTING!!!!!!!! drawing, and drawing, and drawing!!! AND THEN...........! It CAME TO BE!!!!!!!!! The Yotsuba&! series!!
“This may be My greatest creation yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
But Chiyo did not like this uprising...... So She tried to get to get rid of by the following methods:Getting Her lost in a crowd, convincing Her to let go of the handlebars on a swing, pairing Her up with a Stranger which She ends up becoming friends with(Fuuka Ayase), and even disguise Herself as a Worker for Yotsuba.inc of Kawaii and tried to give Yotsuba poison ice cream,
which end in failure when Chiyo spilled the ice cream all over the floor.
“THAT ICE CREAM WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A COMPLETELY IMPERVIOUS PLAN!!!!!!!!”
“It's a Weirdo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Eventually after a a few fails of Destruction attempts (what the attempts were is unknown) Yotsuba caught on to what Chiyo was trying to.
And that's when it started..... THE BATTLE OF SINNOH!!!!!!!!!!!!! KAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The battle didn't last very long.......
Day One[edit | edit source]
Unfortunately neither Chihamaland, nor Yotsuba's militia posses any weapons what so ever, nor did any of had access to weapons. So instead, the forces engaged in heated fist fghts, and verbal arguments.
“Yo mamma's so fat, when She steps on the scale, it says "one at a time please"!!!!!!!!!!!!!*Punch*”
This went on for about 20 hours straight and in the after math both sides were two too tired to get back to base until morning.
Day Two[edit | edit source]
After the first day of the battle, some of the soldiers (ok, all of them) thought "Maybe if I use a stick to fight with, the fighting will be a lot easier!! It's the perfect plan!!!!" But unfortunately soldiers on both sides thought this idea up. when engaging battle they were all surprised to see that they all had stix sticks, some smart enough to make slingshots out of their stix sticks while some, were dumb enough to mistake toy swords for real swords. so the (newly) armed forces engaged in whacking frenzy and once again used verbal assault.
“Yo mamma's so stupid, when the whether man said it was chilly out side, She ran outside with a spoon!!!!*swing* *bonk*”
This battle lasted for 17 hours. surprisingly none of the soldiers landed a hit on each other and got tired from striking, blocking, and evading.
Day Three(Final)[edit | edit source]
This time, All of the soldiers on both sides made slingshots out of their stix sticks. Once again, both sides were surprised to that they had the same idea. Once the battle started, the armed forces engaged in heavy Stoning(With rocks of course!) and coninued the tradition of insulting each other.
“Yo mamma's so short, that when She told some body "What are You looking at?" they said "Not much"!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Throw*”
Due to the fact that nobody Kawaii has ever had any experience whatsoever in such fighting(as with every other type of fighting) they couldn't hit a single target at all.(Aiming Fail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Lasted for six hours and ended because the rocks were blown away by a strong wind.
War Ending[edit | edit source]
After thinking their bad fighting skills, simaliar thoughts and ideas, and love of cute things, the people realized they weren't so different after all("Yay for them"!!! To bad that don't help us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and Chiyo and Yotsuba settled peacefully (Chiyo still secretly hated Yotsuba), and yotsuba left Kawaii and never came back. The battle left a scar on Yotsuba's life. Yotsuba keeps Her history in Kawaii a secret. If You ask Her where She's from, She answers by saying:The left. After the war, Chiyo decided that she needed a military to protect Kawaii. So so grabbed Tadakichi and said:"Hey!! Your gonna control a military now! Got that dummy!!". Tadakichi replied with a "Bark of Time".
“And stay out.....”
Culture[edit | edit source]
Cute things are the main staple of Kawaii's culture but are limited in some ways such as: any cute thing that hates Chiyo (like Mew) are banned from the nation, or:Any cute thing that Chiyo detests(like Yotsuba) is also banned from Kawaii. For more on Kawaii's culture see Kawaii
The Fowl Wars[edit | edit source]
Chiyo Mihama decided to expand her military and takeover nations across the planet. Artemis Fowl did not like this uprising. So he teamed up with his little punk ruffians that he call "his friends" to eliminate Chiyo Mihama.
Training[edit | edit source]
Despite having the Tadakichi Military, Chiyo Needed to learn some UBER FIGHTING ZKILLLZZ!! So she went to a place that no one dared to tread. THE RINDOUKAN DOJO OF DOOOOM!!!!! She then met the fighting master known as "Makoto the spunky". Why spunky? No one knows.... Makoto then said "What's this... a midget.... STATE YOUR BUSINESS, MIDGET!!" Chiyo replied by saying "I'ma here to learn how to kill any n00b who opposes me!!!" She was then taken into training
At one point, Makoto took Chiyo over to a car and Chiyo said "What am I supposed do? Wax the car?" Makoto then said "YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK IT!!". "What!? Break it!? Are You insane!?" replied Chiyo. And it simply just kept getting worse from that point on.. Poor Chiyo..... The last part of training was fighting a giant clown who called himself "Gill".
Despite all the training, Makoto kept the dark art of "Tanden Renki" to herself.
The Battle[edit | edit source]
“Woof woof woof!!!!!!!”
While Chiyo was gone, the Tadakichi military was struggling with Fowl boy's ruffians. The "Neutrinos" and "Sig Sauers" and the angry little man who constantly swears named Julius "The Man" Root. Tadakichi resorted to using the elite group of soldiers known as "The Master Pack". They were a group of blood thirsty wolves who loved to kill and pwn n00bs (especially squirrels and rats). Although they were strong, they weren't very smart and were lured away by dog biscuits.
Chyio's Back, Baby![edit | edit source]
After long training, Chiyo had come back with vengeance!!! She tatally Hayate'd their sorry asses to the ground.
The Mud boy and his little midget ruffians left and never came back.
Confronting God[edit | edit source]
At some pint in time Arceus realized that little Chiyo-chan was turning into a monster and came down to pwn her give her light.
Chiyo Mihama became nice. But there was a little problem. She became too nice, like, Ned Flanders nice and somehow lost the ability to take out her rage.
Arceus thought it was more fun this way to see Chiyo suffer.
Late night TV[edit | edit source]
That's right!! Chiyo has her own late night talk show titled "The Chiyo-chan Show" where she interviews celebrities and n00bs alike.
“Here is our host, Chiyoooooo Mihamaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!! ”
Protection[edit | edit source]
Giratina loves Chiyo Mihama. So it gave her the "Giratina Protection Program" for no money down.
