Uncyclopedine
Experiencing a joyful, productive, and meaningful life is a basic need for every human being. Here, we propose Uncyclopedine, a novel medication freely available as a means of ensuring a life with high levels of well-being. We are committed to creating the easiest shortcut to happiness, and it is your satisfaction that we value most. Buy Uncyclopedine now!
Usage: 40 bytes per kg of body weight, BID. Take by eyes. Use with caution if allergic to any of the contents. Do not topically apply on sensitive or erogenous zones; do not use as enema; do not use to replace flour in gluten-free baking. This article is not intended as a legal advice or a clinical guideline. Please consult your healthcare provider before personal consumption of Uncyclopedine. Unless you have no health insurance, in which case we kindly redirect you to Fisher Price.
Indications[edit | edit source]
Uncyclopedine is used to treat illusions of free will and political correctness; existential angst; and conditions contracted by reading online health information.
Physical properties[edit | edit source]
Mostly white tablets, though new, colorful formulations targeting the young demographic also exist.
Usually has a bland taste, though occasionally pungent.
Active ingredients[edit | edit source]
Samples of Uncyclopedine is often impure due to instability toward heat, solvents, and public discourse. As a result, many components of the medication are poorly studied. Below is a few well-studied ingredients believed to contribute to the clinical uses of Uncyclopedine.
Random humor[edit | edit source]
Characterized by high degrees of carboxylation, random humor is a homogeneous cross-linked material. Based on the relative hydrophobicity, it can be classified into face-on-the-keyboard, brain-out-of-skull, and finger-in-the-brain subtypes. Random humor has anti-inflammatory effects in vitro (p=0.05).
Personal opinions[edit | edit source]
Personal opinions are prokaryotes bearing the L-stereoisomers of the corresponding Uncyclopedine enantiomers. Specialized phagocytic cells called censorshiphages chase the opinions down and engulf them. These cells isolate captured opinions inside phagolysosomes, and then destroy them with reactive oxygen species. Censorshiphages are estimated to destroy over 40% of personal opinions. Surprisingly, due to a special lipid-rich casing, some opinions are revealed to survive the chemical attack inside the censorshiphages, often radicalizing themselves in the process. With the information flow around the Internet, they eventually break free, relocate, and congregate in places safe from censorshiphages. These strains of opinions are further selected toward stronger censorship resistance.
Rant[edit | edit source]
“LOL Uncyclopedine double-anus rizzlord oh boy u cow emesis u could litteraly hoan gyatt all day long”
Rant is a homolog of random humor with diverse uses. They have a great tendency to polymerize and lead to runaway reactions, so workers should always follow standard procedures, take precautions, and plan disposal in advance. Rant is traditionally synthesized through controlled in silico inter-esterification of random humor and personal opinions in concentrated moronic acid; however, X-ray catalysis processes are gaining traction in the industry as of 2024.
Adverse effects[edit | edit source]
Neurotoxicity[edit | edit source]
Creating nonsense is associated with joyful sensations.[1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][excessive citations] Random humor has been described as an Internet-borne subviral particle spread in the fecal-oral route. When consumed, it travels to the brain, changes the conformation of certain proteins, promoting drug-seeking behaviors and compulsive production of senseless content, during which desensitization through dopamine bursts may eventually lead to addictions.
Listomas[edit | edit source]
Uncyclopedine produced from random humor is of inferior quality, with reduced therapeutic value and amplified adverse effects. A very serious complication is the compilation of long, dreary, and stale bullet lists, which are known as listomas. A listoma is a pathological aggregation of lack of creativity, contributing to aging and vandalistic stress. Over time, the listoma may undergo angiogenesis, which further its role in the disruption of hormones and exacerbation of ischemia, eventually leading to necrosis, and death. Furthermore, a listoma puts the afflicted in a persistent state of systemic inflammation, making predisposed individuals vulnerable to the vandal amoeba, which infect the central nervous system in otherwise healthy Uncyclopedians and feed prolifically on the humorcytes.
Spam[edit | edit source]
Spam[edit | edit source]
Spam[edit | edit source]
Prospects[edit | edit source]
Uncyclopedine is derived from a suspension of information. Centrifuging the suspension and decanting yields a pellet, called a wikicake. For any fixed volume of info-suspension, the wikicake has been decreasing in mass and quality steadily over the past decade. Well, it's Year 2024, flashy colorful webapps created by dragging elements in a GUI saturate the online world. Whoever still interacts with a webpage with markup (or rudimentary text fields) is either too dumb or too smart for us to talk to. (Should we cite that shitty Jimbo Wales paper here?)
Pharmacodynamics[edit | edit source]
Access to other opinions[edit | edit source]
Early exposure to Uncyclopedine is shown to have teratogenic effects. However, in a substantial percentage of cases, the infant ends up developing beneficial mutations such as laser eye beams, igniting interest in Uncyclopedine as a novel induction agent in transhumanism.
Anti-angst[edit | edit source]
Uncyclopedine is used to treat existential angst by obfuscating the uncanny reality. It demonstrated emptiness-numbing and trauma-inactivation properties. An altered mental state, commonly called a "stupidity trip", is common immediately after administration of the medication, indicating hypnotizing effects. Combined with higher scores of dissociation exclusively from self-report, it is safe to conclude that Uncyclopedine is definitely fun to snort.
Uncyclopedine has psychoactive properties similar to tricycle antidepressants, being able to suppress the death instinct and ease irony deficiency anhedonia.
Wikipedol[edit | edit source]
Wikipedol is an antagonist to the information receptors. (Uncyclopedine is the protagonist.) Effects of wikipedol include edit wars over color of templates, Main Page deletions, and titty trials. The stance of coevolution with Wikipedians puts Uncyclopedians in an invaluable and unique advantage.
Self-awareness[edit | edit source]
An overabundance of subject-specific language is found to disrupt the underlying neurological mechanisms of optic nerve inflitration control. Also, the word porosity value, defined as the ratio of average word length to average paragraph height, is positively correlated to language processing efficiency. After computer-assisted multiple variance analysis involving some sexy curves, we got it, technobabble is bad!
Limitations[edit | edit source]
Unfortunately, current evidence is of low quality and mostly inconclusive, so trials with larger samples and better designs are warranted. Further research should also address the lack of any research on this topic. We have striven to depict how centuries of suffering and inequality can be cured by this novel medication. The field of Uncyclopedine shows promising potential, demands more scholarly attention and seeks more funding.