Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Your Math Tutor(4)

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Your Math Tutor

I still don't think it's good. Forgive my neurotic impulses for getting reviews. (talk) 06:52, 15 May 2009 (UTC)

I would have forgiven you had you linked to neurotic. As it is no. you're not forgiven. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 07:08 15 May 2009

Damn my negligence. Also I'm sad that "negligence" isn't an article. (talk) 07:13, 15 May 2009 (UTC)

There's bound to be something I could do with it though. Or maybe not. Anyway I have an exam in 44 minutes so I need to cram in some last second revision. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 07:17 15 May 2009

How's this? – Preceding unsigned comment added by JackOfSpades (talk • contribs)

Not an article. Should be Template:Negligence. But otherwise draws a smile. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:09 15 May 2009

It's only an article in the same way that Procrastination is an article. If I had spent a few more minutes on it I would have made the colo(u)r scheme match the kid's shirt. (talk) 22:12, 15 May 2009 (UTC)

I see where you're comming from but actually you've made a template, theres almost certainly more that can be done with "Negligence". ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:14 15 May 2009

Can't right now. Staircase CUN^t 01:36, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	6.5	Since no one else seems to want to do this, I suppose this falls to me. Well, Jack, your article has gotten MUCH better since I last reviewed it, and i'm pleased to see you've taken a lot of my advice, but I still feel this article is lacking. From what I can diagnose, I think your article is simply too short. If you take away the white space between the dialogue interactions, there really isn't much left. Expansion would do a lot for your article; maybe you could expand the last section to focus more on that last problem? You also might want to lay off the outdated slang just a tiny bit, or maybe use words along the lines of "groovy".
Concept:	7	The concept is a two-edged sword: on one hand, you can make this article VFH worthy if you execute the conversations corrcectly and you expand it enough. On the other hand, you can just look like you don't know what you're doing and be taking up space. You're somewhere in the middle of these two right now. If you want to improve your article, change your execution up a bit. One idea you could use is maybe towards the end you're giving your math tutor a hard time, and then your mom walks in and starts chewing you out for it. That's just an idea of mine, and I think there are a million different things you could put in this article. Another idea would be to put in a section entitled "The Next Day..." and deal with your protagonist's failure/passing of his math test because of his math tutor. Again, these are all just brainstorming ideas, so take some of these with a grain of salt.
Prose and formatting:	5	U s i n g w h i t e s p a c e usually gives people the impression that you're just trying to make your article look bigger, and it makes you look kind of lazy (even if you're not). Tieing along with your expansion idea would be to stop using it so much. Once you've got plenty of new dialogue, then you can get rid of your whitespace; it makes your article look so much nicer. Besides that, your second image is a little to big, so you might want to reduce the size of it and pop it on the right side.
Images:	7	No major laugh out loud moments here, but they get the job done. The last one, however, is a little strange. If you're going to use a "pissed off" image, then maybe you could get a picture of a guy with an angry face. If you're going to expand and need additional images, you could add a picture of a kid in math class or a picture of a test paper. These kinds of articles don't really rely on images, but using them could make it much nicer.
Miscellaneous:	6.5	My overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	32	Basically, you've improved your article greatly since I last saw it, but it still needs some work before you can pop it on VFH. The best things you an do for your article right now is expand. Study math tutors on Wikipedia, and use their methods and training as a basis for dialogue. Overall, develop it and put some more hard work on it, and once you're done, you'll probably get my vote. Bottom Line: Good article, needs more work; get rid of the whitespaces and expand. Good luck! =)
Reviewer:	Saberwolf116 14:11, 3 June 2009 (UTC)