Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Guildensternenstein/Harold Rosenbaum (revised)
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User:Guildensternenstein/Harold Rosenbaum[edit source]
I'm basically looking for two things out of this review. 1) Is this funny, and, if so, 2) Can/should this be moved to the mainspace. Review away. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:35, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
- Well done, Guildy. I left a little suggestion on the talkpage. —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:42, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
- Socky's opted out of reviewing this, so if anyone else wants to take a shot, go ahead. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:24, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5 | This is an extremely difficult thing to have to review as there is not a lot of humorous content on the page. It looks to me as though the entire article for the most part has been lifted from another source (maybe here?) and been shuffled around somewhat, had the "who didn't write this himself" added in and the links changed. If so it's a quick way to write an article, but not a very funny one. I had a smile on my face for a brief second, but lost it soon into it. |
| Concept: | 3 | If it was left just as is, then I'd have no hope for the article being any more than a carbon copy of it's original source. Maybe I'm impatient, but I couldn't read the source article as it bored me to tears (yes, nobody cared). But if there's minimal distinction between the two, why would I read this. |
| Prose and formatting: | 1 | I can't really go much beyond this due to the derivation. The tone was perfect for a piece that was written by a conceited artist about himself, however as that's where the text has most likely come from, can't really give kudos for someone else's work. I think the original line in there is "—who definitely didn’t write this himself—". Okay, there were no spelling or grammatical mistakes that I picked up in those 6 words. |
| Images: | 4 | Not much I can say. A couple of images of the man and one of his works, with text again from unknown source. No punchline in the comments and images are untouched and originally unfunny. What I will say is the first image does suit the idea of a conceited artist, the second not so much, and the book cover is a bog standard book cover. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6 | It has the kernel of something fantastic, and I'd hate to see it scrapped at this stage, but I'd refer back to HTBFANJS |
| Final Score: | 19 | Expand on what you have. Don't be afraid to be silly in this while keeping a high tone. What does a guy who is so conceited think about himself in relationship to his ability with women. How does he believe he compares to his peers?
One of the classic elements of humour is the unexpected banana. If you're not expecting a banana and you have a banana, then you have humour. Give me something that I wouldn't expect (other than the final punchline). This relies heavily on bringing down the stature of someone who has way too much of a high esteem. Also think for a moment on what happens to Wikipedia articles (which this is a definite leaning toward) that are self-aggrandisement or advertisement. Sticklers come along and change it, or put in ] I wouldn't get to the punchline at the end of all this unless I enjoyed reading through. I need more jokes! |
| Reviewer: | Nominally Humane! some time 02:39, 29 June 2009 (UTC) | |
- I mentioned in the first Pee Review for this that I adapted the article from his bio in the choral program at my school, for the record. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:25, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
- Okay - I knew it was taken from somewhere as THIS LINK is just way too damn similar. Either way the derivation was obvious, but not the flaw - it's more the lack of funny in with it. As an example of what I mean I've lifted this from Claude Debussy.
- Debussy felt he was at his coolest and most thrillingly dangerous when he took to the stage and displayed his virtuosity on the piano. Debussy wowed audiences with bravado performances of pieces by Schubert and Beethoven and thrilled his public with his dynamic energy and skilled sight-reading.
- Okay, doesn't quite have the voice of the article that you have written, but it shows the technique that I was talking about of bringing down the pretentious by showing how shallow it all is. Check out the rest of the article as it may help you re-voice yours.Pup
- Okay - I knew it was taken from somewhere as THIS LINK is just way too damn similar. Either way the derivation was obvious, but not the flaw - it's more the lack of funny in with it. As an example of what I mean I've lifted this from Claude Debussy.