Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/April 21

Ronald "Can't Win It" Paul, M.D. an American Republican philanderer philosopher and anti-banking kingpin, is perhaps best known his fringe theories including a literal interpretation of the Constitution of the United States of America.

Born to stark-raving mad parents in 1905 in Freedom, Pennsylvania, Paul is popular with some extremest groups who believe things they read. However, his insistence on discussing Big Pharma, the Federal Reserve System, and other boring subjects when allowed to appear on television has ensured that Ron Paul will never be elected to a position of real power. That and the fact that he is not a member of the Bilderberger Group.

Paul is described by fellow politicians and FOX News as "daft beyond belief", "a staunch conservative" and "an almond-covered nutbag" for his theories on interventionist foreign policy claiming that America should intervene in domestic issues instead of shooting brown people. He recommends such things as withdrawing troops from countries that are not attacking America and leaving the United Nations, claiming that it is controlled by Mexican Luciferianism. Paul is worshiped by his followers, including self-appointed archbishop-of-the-airwaves, Alex Jones, and two Linux aficionados who have recently and spontaneously elected him President of the Internets. (Full article...)