UnScripts:Hentai
ACT I[edit | edit source]
Father and son are sitting in the living room. The father is reading a newspaper and the son is playing with a toy truck.
Son: Daddy...
Daddy: Yes, buckeroo?
Son: Someone at school today said that Cartman...from South Park...isn't real.
Daddy: Well son...do you believe everything everything people tell you?
Son: No Dad, only what you say.
Daddy: That's because you are wise my boy. How do you feel about it?
Son: Well I know that animations are like...like...representing something from...here...where we are now.
Daddy: Okay...so far, you are making sense...more or less. Try to always make sense okay?
Son: And that...what they represent...can be real...in real life.
Daddy: Okay...your words are all in the wrong place...but you still make sense. So...what do you think then...about Cartman?
Son: Well someone said there is no Cartman, from South Park, in here, where we are now.
Daddy: Okay son...we are back to my first question. Listen will you? What do you think about it? Do you think he is real?
Son: Well...I think that maybe Cartman isn't real...in the place we are now.
Daddy: Well... that's the most sense you've made. You are half right and half wrong. Just like you mom. And...well...all women I know for that matter.
Son: How is that?
Daddy: Well, women say a lot of stuff, son. And even when they are correct about something they say... There's bound to be at least something wrong with it.
Son: Okay daddy, I think I got you so far.
Daddy: And when women are wrong, which they usually are, they are always gonna be just a little right, no matter how much you fight them.
Son: Yes, that makes sense daddy. So what does that have to do with Cartman.
Daddy: Well my boy...Cartman doesn't exist...in the real world...like you and I do...but he does still exist.
Son: But in what way, daddy?
Daddy: Oh my favorite little mistake...I'll tell you. Cartman is the representation of all people who are selfish and control freaks.
Son: So he represents people?
Daddy: No you silly costly little boy...he doesn't represent actual people. He represents that kind of person.
Son: Oh...so he is like a characterimisation.
Daddy: Heh heh heh, I think you just said your first big word.
Son: Yeah...I did.
Daddy: Well, remind me to spank you later 25 times to celebrate.
Son: I'll try not to.
Daddy: Yes...he is a characterization of all people who are egocentric and even something more than that.
Son: What...what is that daddy?
Daddy: He represents all of the selfishness that is even within us.
Son: Woah.
Daddy: I thought that might hit you over the head.
Son: Like you did when I was three?
Daddy: Oh silly monkey...that was a dream remember?
Son: No daddy, because I had a bump on my head for a month.
Daddy: My confused little dumpling.
Son: I think I'm going to go play outside now.
Daddy: Not so fast, you sneaky little squirrel. Theres so much more to learn.
Son: Well...I think I got it.
Daddy: No, you don't. Sit down son and listen up. Because it gets even bigger.
Son: Really?
Daddy: A lot bigger.
Son: How?
ACT II[edit | edit source]
Daddy: You know the show "The Big Bang Theory"?
Son: Yes.
Daddy: All those geeky guys and the hot young girl.
Son: Yeah.
Daddy: Do you find her hot, son?
Son: Well..she's pretty I guess.
Daddy: But...she makes you feel something inside.
[Mother walks in]
Son: Well, what do you mean daddy?
Daddy: Oh son. You probably just don't understand the question.
Mom: Well, whats the question honey?
Daddy: I was asking our boy if he gets turned on by the little tart on "The Big Bang Theory".
Mom: And what does our little man think?
Son: Well...I guess so. I dunno.
Mom: Well, don't you like the shape of her body?
Son: Yeah...it seems nice.
Dad: And her long hair touching her soft skin?
Son: Well...that's not bad I suppose.
Mom: And what about her breasts? Do they excite you son?
Son: Well...they look cool.
Dad: And what about the boys...do they excite you at all?
Son: What do you mean?
Mom: Your daddy is asking you if you like the shape of their bodies.
Son. Well...(long pause)...well, I guess they don't really excite me.
[Parents give each other a high five and jump up and down]
Mom: ...ummm...not that that would be a problem. Our little boy is going to be special no matter what.
Dad: Thats right, son.
Son: Why don't we talk about the show now?
Dad: Of course. Honey...when you interrupted us just now...we were talking about "The Big Bang Theory".
Mom: Now, why ever is that darling?
Dad: Well you probably wouldn't understand...but I'm trying to show him the next step up in symbolic characterization.
Son: Woah...those are two big words put together.
Dad: Yes son...it's getting really big now.
Son: Yeah, and kind of hard to follow.
Dad: Don't worry, it will hit you in the face once you've got it.
ACT III[edit | edit source]
Mom: So, what is symbolic characterization?
Dad: Well that need not concern you sweetie, as we already talked about the first level when you weren't here. But the next level is with shows like this modern American sitcom.
Son: How is it even more symbolic characterimisation?
Dad: Well you see son...that's because the thing characterizing something in the real world, are people...who are from the real world too. Did you get it yet?
Son: I don't think so.
Dad: It will come. It will come to you so fast, you'll be surprised and exhilarated.
Son: Wait...so you are saying that real people are both the symbol and the characterisemed.
Dad: Son...I'm so proud of you right now, I have to leave the room for a moment. You too, honey.
[Dad leaves and drags his wife out of the room. There is the sound of two bodies falling, clothes being ripped off...a couple bounces on the bed...shouting...silence...weird silence...uncomfortable silence...the silence of shame...footsteps...and back into the room]
Son: I think I'm going to tell my friends. All about what I learned.
Dad: And you should. But you should wait...cause now I am going to tell you the most amazing highest level possible of symbolic characterization.
Son: There's even more!?
Dad: Son...this gets so big...a vein is going to pop.
Son: What could be greater than "people representing people?"
Mom: Don't you think we should wait honey. Maybe another year?
Dad: Pumpkin...you know it's my job to decide whats best for our child. Besides...he is ready.
Mom: Well, I guess I should go get it.
[She leaves the room]
Son: What, what, what? What is it, what is it? Tell me, daddy, tell me!
Dad: Now son, stop begging. No boy of mine will be begging for nothing in this house.
Son: Im sorry, daddy.
Dad: That sounds a little like groveling.
Son: I won't do it again.
Dad: That sounds like making promises you can't keep.
Son: I'll try not to do it again.
Dad: Now you are just being insolent.
[The son stays silent]
Dad: That's better, my boy.
[Mother enters the room]
ACT IV[edit | edit source]
Son: Whoah, what is that? Woah...
Dad: That son is one of the most beautiful works of art ever made?
Son: Wow...what's going on there?
Mom: I know this is a little confusing for you son.
Son: No...it's amazing. The details and the shading and colouring.
Dad: You noticed, didn't you.
Son: It looks so realistic I can't even believe it's a drawing. Is it a drawing?
Mom: Yes my angel. It was drawn by a Japanese artist.
Dad: Yup. Only the Japs can draw prime hard-core art like this.
Mom: They call it Hentai.
Son: And what is this about? What does it characterize here?
Mom: What do you think?
Son: I really don't know.
Dad: You really have no idea?
Son: No.
[Silence. The parents look at each other dumbfounded]
Dad: They are having intercourse.
Son: Inter...what?
Mom: Sexual intercours.
Son. Huh?
Dad: They are having sex...son.
Son: Oh. I see.
Dad: That's right my boy. The man is pummeling the woman's vagina like it's minced meat.
Son: Right. And why?
Dad: Because thats what responsible men do. They pummel vaginas like a jack hammer.
Son: Is that right, mom?
Mom: More or less son.
Son: And what does the woman do?
Mom: Well the woman tries to encourage the man to pummel her vagina as though time never ends.
Son: Oh.
Dad: It's a beatiful part of nature. The eco-system. The family unit. Love. God.
Son: Wow...
Mom: Isn't is special.
Son: Should I be pummeling someones vagina?
Dad: No son. Not until you get the right equipment. Then you can start pummeling as much as you can.
Mom: And that will happen when nature has planned it to happen.
Son: What's the white stuff all over the place?
Dad: Well that's what we call "man juice."
Son: Wow...theres something called "man juice?"
Mom: Yes son. It's part of the beauty of nature.
Son: Oh. Is there a "woman juice?"
Dad: Yes son... there are several kinds of woman juice.
Son: Like what?
Dad: Well... There's the one that's guaranteed to start raining down every 28 days.
Mom: That's why mommy gets a little unbalanced at times.
Dad: She sure does... doesn't she son. That's when daddy goes bowling.
Son: (trying to avoid the question) What about the other ones?
Dad: Well, when a man is pummeling her vagina...she usually excretes a slippery liquid that makes it easier for the man to pummel away.
Son: Oh...kind of like...oil on my bike chain.
Dad: Precisely...except it's woman juice.
Son: And the third one?
Dad: Well son...if a man knows how to pummel well, and really pummels good at the womans vagina, but I mean...pummels like no one has ever pummeled a vagina before...
Son: Yeah?
Dad: Then she releases the honesty juice?
Son: What's honesty juice?
Mom: Well you see son, often woman pretend that their men have pummeled their vaginas well and will act as such even though they've pummeled quite poorly.
Dad: That's right ... they sure do. And so when the woman excretes the honesty juice...you can be sure that you've pummeled her vagina right and that she isn't just pretending.
Son: I see. So are we seeing only man juice? Or both juices?
Dad: Well son...there's probably both.
Son: Wow...and does it happen really like that?
Dad: No son...and thats the magic of it.
Son: Why?
Dad: You see...this is really a characterization.
Son: In what way?
Mom: Well son...it shows what people would like to be able to do...but never could.
Dad: That's correct Son...your mother is right and wrong. It shows what we think we can do...but never really do.
Son: I don't get it.
Dad: You see...every man wishes that he could pummel a vagina so hard that he could excrete gallons of man juice. And do it so well that the woman also excretes woman juice out of her vagina.
Son: Wow...is that possible?
Dad: Well son...it is possible...here on this drawing.
Son: Oh...I see. Only as a characterization.
Dad: My god...I cannot believe you got it all so fast. You really are one special little mistake.
Mom: Our pumpkin, sweetie pie.
Dad: I am so excited... I just have to pummel your vagina, sugar buns.
Mom: Again, Right now?
Dad: Don't tell me you aren't excited as well.
Mom: Well..yes...I am very excited.
Dad: Then I'm going to pummel your vagina 'till you blow all the woman juice you have.
Mom: Oh honey...you are so bad. [As her husband takes her away into another room].
Son. [Looks at the drawing a little confused. He hears tearing of clothes...and jumping on the bed. Someones head hitting the wall. He studies the picture a little closer.] But what is a vagina? [He looks at the picture and half smiles have frowns. The bouncing is getting a little noisier. He grabs his baseball glove and his two wheel bike and leave off the house with the sound of vagina pummeling rocketing through the walls. He gets away in time before the man juice and honesty juice excrete. He sees his friends and says hi. He thinks it's best not to talk about the last part of the conversation].
The End