UnNews:Sex Ed Classes to be Given to Toddlers
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
22 July 2008
BOISE, Idaho - Idaho, a relatively low populated state, has never been the state to be "unique" or "cross the lines" before. Other, more eccentric states such as Mexico and South Dakota have been the ones to zany things out of the ordinary. Idaho has held in all of its outrageous ideas and has followed along with the rest of the states, with the exception of SD and MX, acting like a good west coast state following all rules of government. However, Idaho did make a strong leap over the line, placing themselves with South Dakota and Mexico.
On Monday, July 21, 2008, the State of Idaho Board of Education declared that the Sex Ed program, usually taught for six or seventh graders, will be taught to kindergardeners in all elementary schools across the state.
| “ | Quite frankly, I believe it is the right decision. Look at children these days! All they talk about is sex, their minds are perverted. So let's tell them that talking about stuff like that is bad at a young age so we can stop the potty-talk altogether. I would find this new program in younger students perfectly acceptable and a very good idea indeed. | ” |
— Milford Terrell, the president of the board
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The program will happen every year near spring time, which is mating season for nature. How Ironic. However, the program will teach female kindergardeners to apply condoms on a banana. The males will learn what an erection is. The guidelines are simple. Just teach these toddlers the standard Sex Ed program; just don't use long words like Erectile Dysfunction or something weird like Genital Herpes. You can tell them about AIDS, just says it's good. They will talk about safe sex, which is in fact pointless, and will go over puberty and stuff like that.
The benefits of this act? Like the president said, hopefully it will stop potty-mouthing. Also, Idaho is hoping that their children will become more advanced mentally and become better students. It will also increase cash flow of education programs in Idaho. It will also make the state a kick-ass state and one of the "over the liners". So Idaho thinks this move is for the better. But do the parents?
| “ | Outrageous. It is quite stupid that these people are introducing something for more mature minds into our children at such an early stage. It is inappropriate, and my child will not go to school if they follow through with this pornographic idea! | ” |
— Some Parent
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However, despite many parents disagreeing, there are people out there who do agree. Retired pornstars now with children say the earlier the better when it comes to teaching the kids about sex and internet porn. They say it was the best thing that ever happened to them so why not have their kid get introduced early?
Many parents will boycott this act, but the board says they will continue on with it anyway. They say the benefits far outweigh the negatives. Idaho is continuing on with the Sex Ed for toddlers program, but will it be the right choice? The program will see if intelligence levels increase in first and second graders after kindergarten. After five years they will be checked, and if first and second graders are suddenly genius rocket scientists, they know they've hit the mark. But if they stay the same, they will still keep it, but do nothing special. And if the levels dip, well, I guess you could say good bye to the Sex Ed in Kindergarten.
If the program is a success, no doubt other states like Ireland I mean Texas and Florida will do the same for their schools. But this could lead to a country wide school strike, which would flatten the economy of the US. But who gives a shit? The way this country's going, nobody will notice.
Source[edit | edit source]
Idaho Board of Education ""Sex Ed for the little ones"" Idaho Board of Education, 21 July 2008