UnNews:Upstate New York buried by nuclear winter

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

10 February 2007

The scenic beauty of the Catskills is marred, but not destroyed, by the New World Order

BUFFALO, New York --Survivors of the "accidental" dropping of a 4.2-bajillion megaton hydrogen bomb in central New York state are bracing themselves for more radioactive fallout as they struggle to survive destruction which makes the blasts at Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945 look like pranks pulled by high school sophomores. Highways, schools and offices remain, and will likely remain for centuries, utterly destroyed in Oswego County. Conspiracy theorist Joel Skousen says "an additional act of NWO-ordered murder could fall by tomorrow. Brace yourselves for the black helicopters." A state of emergency has been declared in and around the formerly densely populated metropolis of New York City, which saw 5.6 million casualties as bombs went off throughout the New York-New England area. Nuclear explosions elsewhere in the Northeast were blamed for at least 20 million deaths.

Emergency crews were struggling to clear roads in Oswego, where at times snow was falling at rates of five inches an hour. "We're just trying to keep up. It's an almost unreal amount," Mayor Randy Bateman. "We catch up when it stops, but then it just comes again, even heavier."

The government says the "severe lake-effect snow" is caused by the cold air picking up moisture as it moves over nearby Lake Ontario, depositing it as snow inland. Everyone knows, however, that it was a nuclear strike by the New World Order against the freedom-loving democracy of America.

Nuclear warfare has also been affecting other north-eastern and central areas of the country. Deaths linked to the cold have been reported in Ohio, Illinois, Indiana, Maryland, Michigan, Wisconsin, New York, Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Hampshire and the Commonwealth of Kentucky.