UnNews:Sarah Palin gets done doggy style

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

15 October 2009

This pit bull only goes for the missionary position.

ANCHORAGE, Alaska -- The short history Sarah Palins last year or so has proven to be most interesting to scholars of stupidity. She may be a true daughter of the tundra, but in the lower 48 she's become an embarrassment to conservatives, and chummed waters for late night comics and talk shows.

The fact that such an idiot was seriously considered as a vice-presidential candidate scared the hell out of sane people around the globe. Some planned a future based on a McCain-Palin win; deposed Nigerian princes plotted sophisticated scams to perpetrate on American governmental agencies. Snake-handling Christians prepared to open megachurches. James Randi, Richard Dawkins, and Micheal Shermer planned a painless suicide procedure.

With the exceptions of a few like comedian Bill Maher, the media has let go this diamond in the rough, Ms. Palin. Even when she'd reached her political zenith, however, many consumers of media got little of an idea how truly dangerous this woman is, and with the right encouragement, may once again become.

All question of such a horrible future has ceased.

Today a pack of wolves hijacked a helicopter, then joined others reconnoitering the Palin compound on a hunt for the former vice-presidential hopeful. In this case of turnabout being fair play, she was drawn out of her home by the noise of the aircraft, and the wily pack began a chase when she'd gotten about twenty feet from her back door.

As enraged wolves rained lead on her from above, and a few on the ground began to give chase, Ms. Palin yelped and rushed to her left, jumping on a snowmobile and motoring away. She led her pursuers on a zig-zag path through trees and thickets. slowing only to return fire with the Glock 9MM pistol she keeps strapped to her leg at all times.

The end came quickly when she crashed into a wood pile. and the pack closed in, knocked her onto the ground, and ate her face first. It looks as though we're safe from that particular form of idiocy for now. UnNews and Bill Maher will certainly miss her.

Sources

• Ignus Pavlov "Sara Palin avoids missionary, gets it from behind" New York Times, October 13, 2009