UnNews:Saddam Hussein Hanged and Dead
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
30 December 2006
BAGHDAD, NEW TEXAS - In a sudden turn of events, the world was shocked to learn that Saddam Hussein was reputedly hanged until dead just minutes ago. It is claimed in some quarters that he survived the hanging by having a thick cloth collar placed about his neck before the hanging. The collar which can be seen being placed around in the released video is claimed to be a requirement of Iraqi Health and Safety laws recently passed in the past week..
A spokesperson of the British Prime Minister Tony Blair announced that 10 Downing Street did not know in advance of any plan for Saddam Hussein's execution today. "I thought he was to stand for more trials for the Invasion of Kuwait, Weapons of mass destruction, and WMDs. Not to mention a regime of medical trials to be administered by Pfizer early next year which hopefully would lead to a cure for couch potatoes."
Although the world was shocked, the hanging came as expected to the people of Uncyclopedia. "We did some tests with some hanging Saddam dolls last week and Saturn is crossing the star Altair, which means it's time for a surprise execution."
Details leaked from the Baghdad prison where Saddam Hussein was being held revealed that George W. Bush himself came to fetch the iRaqi dictator, along with Condoleeza Rice.
"They sneaked up to his cell under the cover of darkness and everyone, including some prisoners yelled "SURPRISE!". Saddam was shell-shocked and speechless for a few minutes as Bush brought a cake which he himself baked, iced with the words "Congratulations! You're Dead", and topped with a cherry and one of them candles that would light back if you blew them out." reported an eyewitness at the scene.
Saddam was later muffled and dragged to the execution ground kicking and screaming. According to an executioner at the site, Saddam's last words were, "My fortune is yours for the taking, but you'll have to find it first. I left everything I owned in one piece.", before being dead.
His last meal was reported to have been cooked by chef Emeril Lagasse to a recipe made famous by Lucrezia Borgia. Unfortunately it was delivered after he left for the hanging so it was given to George Bush. He is reported to have found it too spicy for his tastes and only ate a small amount.
It has been said that before his hanging, Saddam Hussien found the Elixer of eternal life or Blaines ingredients of zombie-isity. Which states that you must get leprosy, rabies and have had your heart stopped at least once before. This will give the participant the thirst for biting, the fear of water and last but not least the trade mark falling limbs. After this he was deemed a fully blown Zombeef. So now a zombie Saddam is expected to stand trial for the rest of the accusations of which he is accused of by the accuser. He is then expected to be hanged for each one of those accusations, after which his corpse will be fed to a Grue. Details of the execution itself are still hazy and as the situation develops, stay with UnNews for your up-to-the-minute misinformation.
When asked for opinions on the subject, one person named Dennis stated "That's one less mouth to feed," and a girl from Canada said "The ending of Saddam who's-insane was very anti-climactic." The rest of the world is now singing "Ding dong, the witch is dead."
All of Saddam's worldy possessions are now up for grabs as his will was highly cryptic, but the citizens who scrounged his palace have now been selling items now found on eBuy. It turns out that no one liked his stuff, so everyone is selling it for cash that they can buy more tasteful things with.
He is survived by his mustache and Osama Bin Laden, his former bunkmate.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Feureau "Arab TV stations report Hussein hanged" CNN, November 30, 2006