UnNews:President pardons Derpy
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Equestrian mailmare Derpy Hooves, also known as 'Ditzy' by friends and 'Muffins' by Hasbro, is as a popular background pony on the reality show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and the unofficial maskot of its bizarre Internet fandom. The honorary pardon, however, came after a controversy among concerned mothers and online do-gooders that the wall-eyed pegasus was offensive to mentally handicapped children. This itself caused a blacklash from her fans who felt the complainers were being "uptight [explicit]".
Enter Barack Obama to restore sanity, love and friendship on this eve of thanks. Speaking on the White House's North Lawn with Derpy herself by his side:
|“||Uhhh...you know what, Derpy? I don't think you're offensive. Not-at-all. You make me smile. You make kids smile. You're an inspiration for silly goofballs everywhere. If you're stupid..then..we're all, uuuuuhhhhhh, little-stupid. Everyone derps. I derp. Look at my presidency. Look at my vice president. The true derp incarnate. Look at Congress. Oh my God, look at Congress. Just look at this year's batch of my potential replacements: a parade of derps. Here-a-derp. Uhh..there-a-derp. Everywhere, uh, derp-derp.||”|