UnNews:President pardons Derpy

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Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Just go with it, America. I'm almost done.

WASHINGTON D.C. -- Is friendship truly magic? Is foolishness a virtrue? President Obama seems to believe so, as he gave an official Thanksgiving pardon to beloved pegasus Derpy Hooves.

Equestrian mailmare Derpy Hooves, also known as 'Ditzy' by friends and 'Muffins' by Hasbro, is as a popular background pony on the reality show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and the unofficial maskot of its bizarre Internet fandom. The honorary pardon, however, came after a controversy among concerned mothers and online do-gooders that the wall-eyed pegasus was offensive to mentally handicapped children. This itself caused a blacklash from her fans who felt the complainers were being "uptight [explicit]".

Enter Barack Obama to restore sanity, love and friendship on this eve of thanks. Speaking on the White House's North Lawn with Derpy herself by his side:

It was at this point the president stared off blankly into nothing for about ten seconds, before singing to himself what was apparently an improv spoof of Jingle Bells.