UnNews:Picture deemed unsafe for Wallpaper
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
24 January 2010
NEW YORK, New York -- Today, the Obama administration told the public about the latest threat to your mental health - a computer generated image. This comes after a press conference today where the chief of Technology affairs, Dr Irene Patterson-Knightly, stated that her team of advanced computing engineers along with Harvard University scholars in psychology have found a "deadly JPG image floating on the internet."
The JPEG image file itself represents a large number of colored arrows pointing left in a modern, abstract fashion. Doctor I.P. Knightly said that "this image file combined with desktop icons on all Windows, Mac and Ubuntu operating systems can cause severe headaches, sneezing and back pains - meaning it is officially a danger to the public". She continued "If you accidentally download this file onto your computer, by no means should you set it as your wallpaper". At this point in the press conference, Irene's secretary acknowledged that not having the knowledge required to set your own desktop background "may be a blessing at this day and age". The panelists concluded that they would destroy every server containing the image in a bid to make America a better place. UnNews was also recently told that if you have this desktop background in a .PNG format, then the symptoms may not be crucial but it would not be advised to keep it as your desktop background.
The creator of this wallpaper, Lee Doo, quickly responded to this by saying "This is nonsense. I worked hard on this wallpaper in photoshop. It would be impossible for it to cause any pain - it's a WALLPAPER for goodness sake". Then, despite Dr. Patterson-Knightly claiming that 6/10 people the picture was tested on felt sick, Mr. Doo went on to say "This is bullshit. There haven't even been any tests. The Obama administration are obviously just bored and are making up problems".
Whatever the case, analysts have predicted there could be riots on the street soon if this issue isn't solved by the end of the week.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Anton Emelianov "Desktop wallpaper proves dangerous, banned" CBS News, January 24, 2010