UnNews:Pat Robertson soundly defeats Uncyclopedia at their own game

"It was easy once I realized everyone but me was wrong," Evangelist says.

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

29 May 2006

UNCYCLOPEDIA, The Intarweb -- A humiliated Uncyclopedia conceded utter defeat today when Pat Robertson claimed to have set a world record in the 650 Meter Downhill Sarcastic Parody event of the CSM (Christian Slack-jawed Morons) Special Olympics. Compounding embarrassment, the Uncyclopedia athlete for the event was discovered to be Christian in Apostasy. That's bad.

A contributor to Uncyclopedia begrudgingly acknowledges his own personal inadequacy in the daunting task of parodizing the legendary Pat Robertson.

"OMFG!", exclaimed a flabbergasted DWIII, "after diverting hurricanes, taking contracts out on foreign Heads of State and members of the United States Supreme Court, and threatening the Atlantic seaboard with devastating tsunamii, how the hell can mere non-Evangelical Christians top this stuff anymore?" Weeping uncontrollably over his battered keyboard, DWIII later added "I give up! It just cannot be done. It's the end of Uncyclopedia as we know it!"

The administrators of Uncyclopedia, who have previously prided themselves on mercilessly ridiculing the foibles of celebrities and politicians and other historical personages, telephoned the televangelist earlier today and congratulated him on his latest achievement of successfully launching himself into formerly unreachable heights of mind-blowing absurdity. This bitter confession comes on the heels of several rather pathetic and failed Uncyclopedic attempts at making light of Robertson's dazzling track record, all of which have been summarily NRV'ed and VFD'ed, as being woefully inadequate to the challenge.

Rev. Robertson, current host of The 700 Club, warmly accepted Uncyclopedia's bitter admission of creative failure, and said that he could not have done it without the omnipotent power of Jesus and his patented, energy-boosting, Christian milkshakes.

Uncyclopedia, having been shaken to the very core of its being, is now seriously considering some drastic changes in its editorial policy, having finally learned the awful truth that some things in this world (such as the mighty deeds of Pat Robertson) are just too strange for words. Emergency negotiations with Wikipedia are currently in progress, which may soon pave the way to swapping the entire contents of Wikipedia's article with the corresponding Uncyclopedia entry, on the ironic grounds that Wikipedia's article is (unintentionally) loads funnier.

Sources

• Aldous Huxley "Patagonian Christians Applaud Victory Over Uncyclopedia" Dresden "Is It Warm Or Is It Me?" Press, May 28, 2006