UnNews:Microsoft announces a new-old Operating System
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
15 June 2010
REDMOND, Washington -- Microsoft Corporation today unveiled its newest operating system. After billions of complaints about both Windows Vista and its Successor Windows 7, mostly coming from users of Windows XP, the new OS will be like a god to those who can't move on, or don't have the funds to upgrade. "Windows 7 was a great success. And Vista, at least, had a cool name. But this operating system, we feel, will fit nicely with most customers."
The operating system in question is none other than a remake of arguably Microsoft's greatest success, Windows 95. "Windows 95'2010" is expected to please everyone. "We got many complaints that our previous operating systems were too hard to use. A lot of our Customer Support staff were answering the same question everyday: 'How do I start a program?' We figured some people needed it spelled out to them. Basicaly, we should've kept that button with the word START on it, and not replaced it with our shiny logo," said Bill Gates, founder and now Director of Philanthropy at Microsoft.
Mr. Gates also stated that, to make Windows 95'2010 easy for everyone, Microsoft omitted every unnecessary program, function and feature. Now, only the My Computer shortcut, the Recycle Bin (renamed back to the Wastebasket) and a stripped version of MS Paint remain. "We like to think of them as the Windows Essentials," Mr. Gates said. Regarding compatibility of word processors, Jim Allchin, lead developer of 2010'95, said, "Anything is doable, but we don't really see the need for it."
"We (at Microsoft) have no doubt created the perfect operating system experience, concluded Mr. Gates. "I'd like to see the mediatards at Apple counter this."
