UnNews:Michael Caine to star in new film, "Get Gordon Brown"
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
8 April 2010
NEWCASTLE, United Kingdom -- Oscar winning British actor Michael Caine is back on the big screen in a new film titled 'Get Gordon Brown'.
At a press conference organised by the British Conservative Party, Caine confirmed he was to appear in a movie sequel to the 1970 crime thriller Get Carter. This one would be called 'Get Gordon Brown' and would be released three days before polling day in the British General Election.
Sitting at a table with his co-star David 'Dave' Cameron who is taking a few days off from political campaigning to play a smooth side kick called Mick Eton, Caine said Get Gordon Brown will see him returning to the Newcastle and Sunderland where the original picture was shot. This time Caine would be taking on the Labour Party, a ruthless political mafia who have run this area the 1920s and their grim Scottish born boss, Gordon 'Wee Psycho' Brown and his heartless henchman, Lord Handy-Mandy, Prince of Darkness and Hartlepool.
In the movie Michael Caine comes back from the dead as 'Sarf Lundun' Jack Carter to reclaim his home city of Newcastle from the brutal Brownies. Confusing the locals with his claim of 'being one of them, a working class lad the wrong side of the river', Carter backs up his armoury of asides and 'Not a lot of people know that' patter to uncover a Labour part plot to smear the Conservative party as a bunch of toffy nosed spivs.
But this time Carter hasn't come alone to wreak havoc. He has Team Tory ready to inflict some savage upper class cuts to the enemy. They include besides Mick Eton, George 'Shadow Chancellor' Osbourne, Theresa 'Token Woman' May and William 'Dumb-Dumb Bullet Head' Hague. The film also features a fleeting cameo from London Mayor Boris 'The Blond Assassin' Johnson as Carter's nominal boss who is secretly hoping the entire escapade goes 'tits up' and is feeding Labour some secret information.
It's a great script and I am really excited to be working again for the Conservative Party, said Caine. Normally I don't do politics but this a cracking true story and I hate the Labour party for putting up my tax rate to 50%. Now it's time to get even and we are going to take the North East away from criminal Labour party for good.
When asked how he was going to do all the stunts in the film, Caine said he hoped the film's main backer Lord Michael Ashcroft would dip into his offshore bank account and help with some 'top quality CGI'.
I am sure the people of in that area will jump at the chance to work with me on this film. Since most of them work for broken banks like Northern Rock or are employed by the government, earning some real money as movie extras will come in very handy. They will appreciate this bounty in the coming months once the incoming Conservative party start cutting back on public spending to help pay me to stay in the UK.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Patrice Llamasery "The Caine Mutant" London Daily News, April 8, 2010