UnNews:Lawyer says Rep. Mark Foley just "paying it forward"

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

3 October 2006

Former Rep. Mark Foley user pic on internet dating site eHarmony.

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - Former Rep. Mark Foley's attorney, David Lee Roth, said Tuesday that his client was molested between the ages 13 and 15 by a clergyman, which makes it perfectly okay for him to try to get his freak on with some hot, young, teenage pages.

Foley had represented the West Palm Beach district for 12 years and was seeking re-election until his sudden resignation last week after the disclosure of lurid online communications with teenage congressional pages. Foley's lawyer said that the congressman's horny emails to young boys were just his honest attempt to "pay it forward," just like that little ghost kid did in that dopey movie, not the one about the ghosts, but the other one.

"This is part of his recovery," Roth said, declining to identify the clergyman or the church. "And it was really quite selfish of those pages not to put out. We're talking about a man's health and emotional well-being here."

Roth also announced for the first time that Foley is as gay as an Easter bonnet, to which a majority of congressmen replied, "Well... DUH!"

He insisted Foley never had sexual contact with a minor, at least none that can be proven with hard evidence, like a videotape from a camera hidden in a wall or anything. So get that out of your filthy minds right now, thank you.