UnNews:Jim Cantore going to Florida

Saturday, August 3, 2024

This article is part of the UnNews Weather Service, your source for up-to-the-minute (brain) fog.

Jim Cantore in a bathtub. Allegedly, when he leaves the room, a hurricane will form.

Yes, that's right. Jim Cantore, the Cyclone Commando, the Patron Saint of Typhoons, the Hurricane Attractor himself, is taking a trip to Florida. This is because of Potential Tropical Cyclone Four, which according to the NHC and Cantore himself, will become Tropical Storm Debby by tommorow. Initially, the mountains of Cuba were supposed to kill the disturbance, but due to Fidel Castro's Hurricane Cannon, the opposite ended up happening, as the disturbance only strengthened in Cuba. Cantore will be tracking to...that place where I live...Oh shit. Erm, I'll be leaving UnNews for a few days.

Many sources claim that Cantore was the motivation for Governor Ron DeSantis to issue a state of emergency for most of Florida. It's safe to say, that with Cantore at the helm, expect a hurricane to form just before the system makes landfall. If not, then Cantore must have finally retired, and that alarm I got from Reddit is false. Hopefully, the latter isn't true as I've already fled from the nation and have lost a shit ton of money.