UnNews:It looks like your Ad Blocker is on
Monday, September 24, 2018
UNCYCLOPEDIA EDITORIAL DESK: Well, it finally has happened, and we here at Uncyclopedia are deeply saddened. After all these years of providing the most accurate and up-to-date knowledge on every subject matter in the world for your immediate benefit and gratification, and occasionally allowing even the likes of yourself to contribute your meagre and pathetic input to our growing database, you have (apparently) gone and done the unthinkable. We hate to tell you this, but it seems we have no choice in the matter. After thoroughly analyzing the detailed information we have painstakingly gathered from your computer, we have reached a most unfortunate conclusion: It looks like your ad blocker is on.
Now, don't get us wrong. Unlike the unfeeling scum at Wikia who have taken over the original Uncyclopedia (uncyclopedia.org) and remolded it into their hellish nightmare (uncyclopedia.wikia.com) of childish FANDOM conformity and turned it into an advertiser's commercial paradise, the freedom-loving folks here at en.uncyclopedia.co will never EVER host advertising of any form, unless we deem it absolutely convenient. We are therefore disheartened when you brazenly come here, here of all places, with your ad blocker held high, as if we intended to attack you or something. What, you don't trust us???
Now, ad blockers are a wonderful thing. They protect us from the onslaught of visual and/or auditory distractions that would make surfing the internet a painful experience. They protect us from those who put selfish financial gain above the interests of the typical person who desires only the essential information which he endlessly seeks. They protect us from malicious content which could be potentially harmful to our beloved computers and hand-held devices. They protect us from unwanted animations of jiggling boobies designed to inflame our basest lusts, even when we simply don't have the time for that sort of thing (well, maybe later). There is no doubt that the internet, being a deep reflection of the world in which we all share, is chock-ful of evil of all sorts. Unfortunately, that's what freedom entails. It has been said by some wise sage or other that "He who gives up some liberty in exchange for a little safety deserved neither liberty nor safety.". That's what the Second Amendment (of the US Constitution) is all about.
Even so, there are those few and far-between and increasingly rare places on the internet, in particular this place, which are bastions of freely-shared (and occasionally off-color) creativity and which will never EVER, for the time being, anyway, be besmirched by the unethical ethic of "How much money can we wring from the suckers who come here?". Yes, you have your ad blocker on, even though we host no form of distracting content here (other than the occasional annoyance of those fucking site-wide messages which unexpectedly appear above the article you intend to read, and which are easily dismissable). Even though your rebellious attitude of extreme distrust is a great discouragement to the administrators of this place (who have no other desire than to innocently serve you with quality ad-free content), we here at Uncyclopedia can't help but to begrudgingly admit that we have no other choice than to respect your personal decision in this vital matter.
It's your ad blocker, after all, and we have absolutely no moral right to deny you access to anything if you choose to have it on, or even humbly request that you turn it off. So, feel free to leave it on, okay? See if we care.