UnNews:Hollywood embraces porn as Hefner saves Hollywood sign
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
8 May 2010
LOS ANGELES, California -- Antique sex magazine publisher Hugh Hefner has confirmed he wants to celebrate the Pornographic Industry's financial importance to the film industry by saving the famous Hollywood Sign on Mount Lee, Los Angeles.
This had been under threat as the sign was standing on land which the owner, 90-year-old oil tycoon Dick Weakly, wanted to construct a golf course/hotel complex and possibly ride out-of-work actors and film producers out of Hollywood. Now thanks to Hefner, the historic sign (rebuilt in 1978 due to a typo) has been saved for the American nation.
The publisher of Playboy magazine, who has plans to build his own sign reading "VIAGRA" on a neighbouring mountain, said the money he has donated to prevent development on the land would be well spent. He said the sign was about the only thing historical left in the city and was as much of the city as Big Ben was for London or the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
"Tell me, Bill. Jim? Oh sorry. Tell me, Jim -- What do the tourists do when they first come to Los Angeles except trying to find me in the Playboy Mansion. The Hollywood Sign of course," said Hefner in an exclusive interview on Nickelodeon's Nick News. "It might just be a load of letters standing in the scrub but these are as important to all Americans as the Declaration of Independence... or at least Betty White's SNL hosting gig. Thanks to Hollywood, America has remained the cultural capital of the world and now, thanks to me, the porn business is also contributing its well-exposed, surgically-vigorous, hard-as-a-rock bits."
Hefner was asked that in return for his money if the sign would now be commercially available for other companies. He said the sign was symbolic since it combined two words -- "Holly," to represent America's Christian heritage; and "Wood" (as in "making your wood hard") - to remind everyone of the contribution of sex to produce future generations of Americans . It is also a reminder of the separation of Church and State as implemented in our constitution.
Hollywood is returning the favor with plans to remake such seminal pornos as Debbie Does Dallas and Deep Throat. Debbie will star Amy Poehler in the title role, and the current Dallas Cowboys as themselves. A cameo by original Debbie Bambi Wood is rumored. The film, directed by Howard Stern, will hit theaters in 2012.
Deep Throat will star Megan Fox in the role originated by the late Linda Lovelace. Christian Bale will play Deep Throat. Directed by James Cameron, expect the film to roll out in late 2012.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Marcel Pasteur "Hefner hard for Hollywood" Playboy, May 8, 2010