UnNews:Harlem Shake is al Qaeda recruitment song

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28 February 2013

The future of terrorism.

HARLEM, New York – Internet users were shocked today as it was revealed that the Harlem Shake dance which has recently become an internet craze is actually a façade promoted by Islamic terrorist group al Qaeda so it can recruit new members.

The Arabic news network Al Jazeera broke the story, after an al Qaeda source had sent them a recorded message with the video's catchy song playing in the background.

The message said, "The Harlem Shake is a metaphor for our jihad. At the beginning, there is just one man, and he seems to be isolated and ridiculous. He is called names, he is demonized. But then soon, the truth of Allah comes upon those around him - this is represented by the song - and suddenly everybody is getting jiggy to the holy war beat."

"Jesus Christ," said David Tenneby, a 29 year old website designer who convinced everyone in his office to be wacky for a 30 second video, "I had no idea. I know that the woman in the song is saying 'Con lo terrorita' [1] but I thought that was just one of those cool things that don't mean anything, like Chairman Mao t shirts."

James Barnstorm, 23, a trainee dentist from Milwaukee who set his version of the shake in a dental surgery to give it an extra sense of rebellion, was mortified. "Oh man! I'm in al Qaeda now? Please don't tell my folks! If they bust me, I am gonna be in so much trouble, they'll like, totally stop paying my tuition fees."

Fox News terrorism expert Joanna Corey told us, "This is an example of al Qaeda staying ahead of the game. They used to visit mosques looking for unhappy looking young men, but as soon as the CIA got hip to that, they had to start looking for other ways to attract disenchanted people's attention, and they have made lots of progress utilizing internet memes. Most Bad Luck Brians are originally produced by al Qaeda terrorists."

Footnotes[edit | edit source]

  1. ↑ This is the Dominican version of "Con los terroristas". The song's vocalist, Concha Detumadre, is Dominican, and in the Dominican Republic children have many of their consonant sounds forcefully removed at a young age.

Sources[edit | edit source]

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