UnNews:Haiti frees American missionaries

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

18 February 2010

Several bedraggled missionaries more eager to escape their surroundings than even Sen. Evan Bayh recently. One declines a reefer offered by an UnNews reporter.

MIAMI, Florida -- Eight American missionaries were back in the U.S. Thursday, even as two others remained in a Haitian jail for delivering food to the earthquake-stricken country.

On Wednesday, Judge Bernard Saint-Vil released eight of the 10 missionaries and called their work "delicious. Needs a little pepper, perhaps." He held two others, including the group's leader, because they had visited Haiti previously to sell time-shares in Miami and free credit reports.

The bedraggled, sweat-stained missionaries were charged with failing to possess certificates. Although based on Napoleonic law, Haiti's justice system parallels that of the United States in many respects. The laws were changed after Hurricane Katrina showed the need for certification after natural disasters. In that crisis, federal officials subjected doctors to mind-numbing paperwork before letting them treat victims in New Orleans. Acres of trailers famously never completed their paperwork and sat unused throughout the crisis.

"I knew this moment would come when the truth would set me free," said Jim Allen of Amarillo, Texas. He conceded that an army of diplomats and politicians didn't exactly hurt, either. The missionaries spent a night in soft hotel beds before heading to connecting flights to Washington, where they will surround President Obama in a press conference in which he will take credit for doing something right.

Sources

• David Fischer and Frank Bajak "Missionaries freed by Haitian judge back in US" Associated Press, February 18, 2010