UnNews:Fuck us or we kill you, lunatics tell women

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25 May 2014

Many male users of social networks have come out in support of America's latest mass murderer, Elliot Rodger, and have threatened to kill women unless they have sex with them.

Before killing six people in Santa Barbara, California, Rodger uploaded a number of videos to Youtube, promising vengeance on a cruel world that never furnished him with a willing young cum-slut.[1]

Far from causing disgust among the online population, Rodger's actions have apparently inspired a would-be army of virgin assassins. Women around the world are set to be faced with a stark choice: a bullet to the head, or a life of uncomfortable sex with inadequate, charmless wonders.

Attractive cheerleader Joanna Corey told us, "I am really shaken up. Last Thursday, this Asian kid tried to ask me out on a date and I totally shot him down. Now, it's dawned on me: he might literally shoot me down. Wasn't the dude who did that Virginia Tech shooting Asian?"

However, while the young women of the world expressed fear, young male loners apparently felt liberated. "I have spent years trying different ways to get women - being the nice guy, being the tough guy, begging, bribing," wrote one anonymous user in our chatroom, who later made some unhelpful edits to our site. "Now I have the answer - I will just threaten every woman who tells me to get lost that I will kill her and any other women who happen to be in the area at the time.

"I am gonna get laaaaaaid."

Footnotes[edit | edit source]

  1. Rodger may have taken solace from the knowledge that almost all Uncyclopedia contributors and readers have little or no sex. With other people.

Sources[edit | edit source]