UnNews:Death penalty for Joker killer is 'only fair, really'
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
1 April 2013
Prosecutors have said they will seek the death penalty for Jokey McJokerson, the man accused of killing 12 people last July at a cinema in the US state of Colorado.
Arapahoe County District Attorney George Brauchler said at Monday's hearing, "Mr McJokerson took the lives of 12 people, so I am asking for the death penalty. Considering what he did, I think his dying is only fair, really."
Bryan Beardface, whose best friend Alexis Colby was killed in the attack, spoke of his joy at the prosecutors' announcement. "I had a huge adrenaline rush," he told the Associated Press at the courthouse. "He killed, he dies, that's it man, that's fucking it. That's justice. That shit is fair."
Mr McJokerson's defense lawyers were expected to argue he is not guilty because he was legally insane at the time of the 20 July shooting, but investigators say the former neuroscience graduate student had sensibly completed a lot of paperwork in the run up to the shooting, in order to change his name by deed poll.
"Have you ever tried to change your name legally, son?" Sheriff Magnum H. Deadly asked UnNews. "It takes ages, you gotta send in all these documents to the correct authorities, sign your name in a bunch of places, appear before a judge. This kid applied for that name change months before he did anything."
"And people talk about the weird hair color, but you know what? He did a really good job. You get a crazy person to dye their hair, it'll end up all streaky and nasty. His color application was excellent."
"If we're gonna say everyone who dyes their hair a funky color is crazy, where does that leave Pink? You wanna tell me that the person who wrote Get This Party Started is out of her mind?"
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Leverage, "Aurora suspect James Holmes should be executed, say prosecutors" BBC, April 02, 2013