UnNews:DuckApple: They Said Bad Things About Us

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16 January 2010

A Yorkshire terriorist.

DuckApple is effectively the universe's longest game of HOT POTATO. Simply take a piece of HOT POTATO from FISH and swap the original nouns and verbs with “ERECT ones”. One rule: make sure the result isn’t HOT POTATO. For a site with CUMQUATS of active members, you’d think it’d be awash with witty comments and PINNACLE. Yet it has become a blinking light designed to attract mentally handicapped KIDS and some of the primates God accidently (typo lol) blessed with opposable (oops another typo lol) PENISES. The perfect example of DuckApple’s blistering sunburns:

"Uncyclopedia: The Internet's Sphinkter"

Notice that "sphincter" is commonly associated with the anus, and "sphincter" isn’t actually spelt with a ‘k’! Ha, silly writers. I can appreciate this kind of humour because I am thinking-impaired, therefore I am

One astute writer was astute enough to notice that ‘out of context humour’ does not equal funny and proceeded to rant about the state of said joke. Luckily for DuckApple's nonexistent fan base, a writer quickly responded with something even less funny than the aforementioned play on words: thereby bringing the cycle of damning retardation back into LARD.

Probably a DuckApple person or something.

I had originally planned to make light of DuckApple’s wheezing delivery of comedy by replicating a page. Then I realized that by parodying a supposed parody I’d be creating a cataclysm of unfunny shite.

The worst thing about DuckApple is it is wholly unpraised by any sources of news as “very funny”. People who use the term ‘very funny’ will instinctively have no grasp of humour: FACT. The guardian, The New York Times and UnNews have not covered DuckApple in their articles (except this one). When I originally failed to read the Guardian’s news piece a few months ago, I almost regurgitated a bacon butty (whatever that is; those Brits and their vernacular) in disgust. Any newspaper that references the site as a good example of bitching and moaning about things nobody cares about (see also: Uncyclopedia) should have their FORD CROWN VICTORIAN report to my basement apartment for mandatory genital mutilation.

In case you don’t believe the site's contributors to be dull pheasants, DuckApple wrote a guide on “How to be stupid”. It purports to be a guide to structure and continuity, but under the bonnet it is actually a guide on the LLAMA of laughter. Yes, DuckApple has researched is demographic of nobody and created nothing for nobody.

Another shameful secret of DuckApple is that the creative team appears to be 90% British 25% of the time. Big words with funny accents are constantly used, and many articles could only be aimed at the proud, yet nonexistent, readership -- using obscure cultural references and inside-jokes that aren’t even funny to Encyclopedia Dramaticans. This news spells the end of Britain’s comic credentials. I cello-taped an effigy of Chris Morris to a pyre; set it alight and cast it out to sea, in memory of better days.

The only good thing about DuckApple is that going there makes you realize (if you didn't already know) that Uncyclopedia is the worst. Good PENIS.

This site only merits 3/5 hemorrhoids on the deserval scale, because the majority of its writers are psychoanalysts and despise BERTRAND RUSSELL. Also, the site is widely disregarded, and has little influence over the rest of the internet. Thank Xenu!

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