UnNews:Non-massacre in PA is 'argument for gun control'

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

9 April 2014

A short play from a Moms Against Guns conference held earlier in the year in New England.

Gun control proponents have claimed that a non-massacre at a school in Pennsylvania is proof of what a US without guns could be like.

At 8am this morning, a disgruntled student entered the school with two knives and managed to wound twenty people.

"It's a fantastic insight into what our society could become," said Joanna Corey, president of Moms Against Guns. "There will always be assholes, but we have irrefutable evidence today - an asshole with a knife can do considerably less damage than an asshole with a gun."

The attacker - who was not wearing a long black trenchcoat - struck panic in the heart of his classmates, who ran screaming from the school. Fortunately, as he was not carrying an automatic weapon, he was not able to pick them off executioner-style.

Although he managed to wound twenty of his fellow students, one witness reported that he showed signs of frustration as he lashed out with his knives, saying "Damn, this is hard."

The news coverage has been sensationalist, but news channels have been unable to put large graphics up detailing the number of deaths, and a brief browsing of internet forums shows that, far from being hailed as a lethal antihero as usual, the attacker has seen his actions met with a mix of indifference and mockery.

"If only we could set up a Guns for Knives program," Corey told us, "We could replace every future high school massacre with a mass wounding.

"That's the dream."

Sources

• Leverage, "Up to 20 people stabbed at Pennsylvania high school" BBC, April 09, 2014