UnNews:First drone target on American soil "golden irony"

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11 February 2013

Dorner attempted to attack a policeman on the way out of his house, but fortunately could not find a knife among his collection of cutlery, thought to number thousands of pieces.

California, United States -- The ongoing manhunt for fugitive Christopher Dorner, a former LAPD police officer and Navy lieutenant who killed three cops last week in a fit over libel about his claims to witnessing police brutality and corruption within the department, has been kicked up a notch. Dorner now has the honor of being the first airborn drone strike target on United States soil.

"Come on, you gotta appreciate the golden irony here!" said CIA Chief of Drone Operations Stan Smith. "We've taken out hundreds of people on foreign soil with these bad boys, and now first time we have a chance to use one of these majestic war falcons in our own front yard. And who be should our very first target? A crazy ex-cop who shot others cops over supposably [sic] seeing unjust police tactics! You really can't make this stuff up!"

Christopher Dorner released a personal manifesto last week in which he gave the main motives for his war against the LAPD, while still supporting the United States federal government 100%, as a means to clear his own name; that name now being on top of the CIA's list. Dorner also called out the LAPD for its own systematic racism growing, not waning, since the days of the Rodney King beating.

"Oh, yeah, we can't forget the racial implications," said Smith. "We have a black Commander-in-Chief overseeing this in approval, but our Peace Prize President has his own cans of refried irony beans to deal with. God, I can't get over how hilarious this all is!"

After having a long, hearty chuckle over the situation, Mr. Play-It-Safe put on a stern face and stated seriously, "Okay, laugh over. Time to find this son of a bitch and take him out."

Sources[edit | edit source]

Stay classy, journalists.

("Oops! Apparently, you can make this stuff up.")




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