UnNews:Drunk pink elephant sees man at New Years' party
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
Tuesday, December 31, 2024
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK - Well, well, well. It looks like another stupid year has gone by. We've been filled to the brim with stomach-churning article after article. Trump won. Palestinians killed. The world got hotter. AI got smarter. Kendrick rapped. Healthcare chiefs scared. Whatever the hell happened with Jojo Siwa. Well, well, well, the year is finally over, and Uncyclopedia has marched on, now coming to 2025, where we'll probably slip into an even fuzzier blanket of obscurity, probably. Words cannot describe how fucking irrelevant we are now. But hey, at least we're the only place where people can imagine they're on The Onion but have absolutely none of the comedic talent to. Thank God for free-to-edit websites.
Anyways as this horrible year has come to an end, we now look forward to celebration to an even better year (although under a second Trump presidency we're definitely in our last "fuck around" and starting our final "find out".) and the New Years' party has now begun. Get ready for hangovers and resolutions that will never be fulfilled. For one of our more strange news this fateful day, a drunken pink elephant has seen a man at his party in New York. We spoke with him to see how the hell it happened.
"It was fucking weird. I always thought that the expression 'seeing white men' was an outdated euphemism. I was VERY wrong." said the intoxicated pink elephant to UnNews reporters. "I mean, why the hell a white man? This is definitely some discrimination. I don't do racism or sexism or xenophobia or anything like that. I as a pink elephant am not controlled by hate and am not magnified to debate anyone on what they were born as or who they love. This is horrible. Also, I'm hammered hard and it's not even January right now."
True, true, true. Anyways, Happy New Year from the even-more-drunken writers from UnNews! And even all of Uncyclopedia! All 7 of them, yes sirree!
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