The Wiki Religion
The world's first free religion that anyone can edit[1] was born out of the belief that if people are bored enough to edit the uncyclopedia they will probably be bored enough to edit a free religion.
The other corner stone of the wiki religion is that "anything is better in wiki form". Quoting the philosopher Homer J Simpson "When you wiki a religion, you unleash its awesome power, I'm told". Standing on only two cornerstones makes this religion very shaky but not as shaky as others standing on three or more cornerstones which are not on the same plane.
The Pie wars[edit | edit source]
Like many other religions the wiki religoin claims to be the only true religion, this is based on one of the fundemental constants of the universe - h-bar also known as Plank's constant diveded by two pie. Dividing a constant into a pie can be delicious but the type of pie is one of the biggest debates among wikians, the two schools (meat pie vs fruit pie) have fought great wars like the six day war and the vietnam war these wars were made into the blockbaster film Rambo. Sylvester Stallone is one of the well know meat pie wikians.
The pie wars are among the most documented wars of all times. The first documentry ever made "the life and death of Julius Cesar" ends with live footage of Julius's death in a pie brawl between Brutus and Popeye. Unfortunately this film's last surviving copy is in the now extinct Betamax format. Historical documents from ancient video libraries show that at least 1000 other documentaries of the various pie wars have been made throughout the ages. Still the most famous of these is "Operation:Rabbit", this film includes live footage of the most famous "fruit pie" wikian Bugs Bunny escaping the Infamous "meat pie" wikian Wile E. Coyote. This film's brutal footage makes it illegal to view within a 5km radius of any living children under the age of 18. It was last public screening in Kazakhstan is being investigated as a crime against humanity.
Around 5 billion pie related deaths are reported each year by the United nations' religious war crimes committee. These are compared with only 378 crucifictions , 5087 Jihad related events and 333 menora burnings making the wiki religion the second most violent religion after Buddhism (with 6 billion sacrifices made to the Dalai lama each year).
The wiki book[edit | edit source]
The great book of the wiki religion is believed to predate all time. While traditionally it is believed that the book already contained 64 megabytes of information by 4000 BC, this is scientifically impossible due to the low speed of the internet during those times. Historical records and calculations show that by the year 0 AD the book could not have contained more then a few megabytes at best.
During the age of enlightenment when a cease fire (or cease pie to be precise) was held between the two opposing wikian tribes the wiki book grew in size exponentially and editing massively clogged the internet. This caused the rest of humanity to enter a stage known as the dark ages known for having a very high ping which stopped all scientific and technological progress. People were so bored during that time that they turned to other religions such as Christianity, Judaism and Islam. Some others started believing Chuck Norris is a god.
With the cease pie over around the middle of the 1990s the Internet was free again and ping grew low enough to allow the rest of humanity to use it for downloading pornography and playing world of warcaft thus began the age of atheism.
Today the wiki book is only updated 33.4458372762222229999988765 times a day on average, it contains 5,666,788,777,131 no... 5,666,788,777,138 no... 5,666,788,777,145 no... Well you get the idea- words at the last count. It is the second largest piece of literature after The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
Due to its size, only 5 hard copies of the book are known to have existed. The oldest one was written in clay tablets using a punch printer and is thought to predate humanity. Scholars believe it was written by a dinosaur. It is the oldest English text in existence. The latest hard copy is being written at this moment and the rain forests are disappearing....
The afterlife[edit | edit source]
Wikians believe that those who die become pages in a wiki. Those who did great deeds become frequently edited pages in the wiki book. The sinners become Wikipedia stub pages. Thus your afterlife is decided according to what you do during your life. Gandhi for example spends his after life as the page about the afterlife in the wikibook. Hitler on the other hand spends eternity as a redirect. But the wiki religion is not all black and white, other forms of afterlife exist. This page for example is John Lennon's afterlife.
Effects on human development[edit | edit source]
Religions are often blamed for many of man's vices such as wars. While this is not precise when speaking of most other religion. The Wiki Religion, is directly responsible for some of the worst wars of human history. Many of the technologies devolved to fight these wars were developed as part of wiki idiology using large scale collaborations with a wiki and an open source licence. Giving the other side the opportunity to catch up. Here are some of the notable technological achievements related to the wiki.
- Fire (7,333-6,986 BC) - Considered the world's first large scale collaboration project.
- The atom bomb (1938-1941) - Using the Manhattan project wiki and open source licencing not recognized in North Korea and Iran.
- The hydrogen bomb (1950) - In collaboration with Buddhism.
- Romantic comedy (1900?) - Banned by the united religious board as cruel and unusual punishment towards man.
- Mustard gas (sometime in the 1800s)- Using the "Food for war" wiki.
- The killer joke - This joke can still be found in the Joke warfare wiki, it is so dangerous that it cannot be deleted.
Some byproducts of these weapons are in common household use:
- Ketchup - Originally made using "Food for war" as Ketchup gas.
- Democracy - a byproduct of the wiki voting project.
- Water - a byproduct of fire.
- Emil Zola - Well known French philosopher and the father of modern "free wiki press".
- Jugs - The ones used for holding beer, not boobs.
- Jugs - boobs.
Wiki quotes[edit | edit source]
Some of the famous wikians are known for their insightful quotes:
- " If I catch you editing before lunch again, you will be grounded" - Anna frank's mother to Anna.
- " When you wiki a religion, you unleash its awesome power, I'm told" - Homer J Simpson
- " Damnit this fish taste lawful" - Ancient Wikian proverb.
- " This wiki is making me thirsty" - Oscar Wilde.
- " I wish this wiki supported Tex" - Old Wikian prayer.