The Bawdy Bard
As you may have surmised from the title, the is an article about Shakespeare, or as he's like to be called, Ol' Billy Shakes. This is not an article about where Billy was born (Stratford-upon-Avon), or how many sonnets he wrote (154). Instead this is an article about the content of his writing. The subtleties and nuance that fly over the head of most readers. Though, to be completely fair, many of Billy's readers are coerced to ingest his work by educators. That is neither here nor there, and this is about how bawdy the Bard is truly.
History[edit | edit source]
Chances are you've heard of Shakespeare. He was the Bard of Avon. He was the dude in the funny collar who wrote all those plays. Like that one where the kids were in love and then killed themselves (Romeo and Juliet), or the one where those fairies pull the old switch-a-roo and all the humans end up with the wrong people (A Midsummer Night's Dream).
He's also pretty well known for his romantic sonnets.
What isn't realized by the people who are forced to partake in his delightful work, is that he is a man of the people. He was insanely popular. A celebrity of his time. It could also be said that he was, in the words of Winston Churchill
“...a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.”
But, most importantly, he was a human. And humans have needs. Even with the heavy glare of Puritan moralities boring into his soul, sex was present in a lot of his work. It's just a matter of knowing what to look for.
The Plays[edit | edit source]
Tragedies[edit | edit source]
- Romeo and Juliet
“True; and therefore women, being the weaker vessels, are ever thrust to the wall: therefore I will push Montague's men from the wall, and thrust his maids to the wall”
- Dude is saying, "After I push those guys away, I'm gonna take their women against their own wall."
“Me they shall feel while I am able to stand: and 'tis known I am a pretty piece of flesh”
- Same character. His mind still on his member this time, talking it about it erect and "standing." He is a pretty piece of flesh, after all.
“"Yea," quoth he, "dost thou fall upon thy face? Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit;"”
- This gem, said to Juliet as a child, so we're all understanding here, is just telling her that one day she'll fall on her back instead. You know, for sex.
- Hamlet
“ Ophelia: You are keen, my lord, you are keen / Hamlet: It would cost you a groaning to take off my edge ”
- Apparently "keen" means different things to the pair of them, but Hamlet promises to make her moan, at least.
Comedies[edit | edit source]
- Much Ado About Nothing
“ Much Ado About Nothing”
- Nothing was common slang for a woman's genitalia. Because they had "no thing" where the men had a thing. So, the play is just about a bunch of guys making a huge deal about the nothing between a woman's legs.
- All's Well That Ends Well
“ ...Your date is better in your pie and your porridge than in your cheek. And your virginity, your old virginity, is like one of our French withered pears: it looks ill, it eats dryly.”
- In this instance, "date" is a euphamism for penis, and pie for vagina (for lack of a better word). There's an argument that this could translate to something akin to, "Go screw yourself, because nobody else wants to taste your dry junk."
- Henry VIII
“'Tis strange: a threepence bowed would hire me, Old as I am, to queen it: but, I pray you, What think you of a duchess? Have you limbs To bear that load of title?”
- There's several ways to break this down. To "queen it" is to be a prostitute. But beyond that, this Old Lady is asking if the character Anne has the gumption to do the duke. To fulfill his needs and bear his children.
The Sonnets[edit | edit source]
- Sonnet 151
“But, rising at thy name, doth point out thee / As his triumphant prize. Proud of this pride, / He is contented thy poor drudge to be,”
- Shakespeare is straight up personifying his penis. His sonnets are personal, close. The series written for The Dark Lady were all lewd and carnal. They touched on the depths of lust. His penis rose and pointed at her, claiming her as his.
| Tragedies: Antony and Cleopatra • Coriolanus • Hamlet • Julius Caesar • King Lear • Macbeth • Othello • Romeo and Juliet • Romeo + Juliet • Timon of Athens • Titus Androgynous • Titus Andronicus • Troilus and Cressida
Comedies: A Midsummer Night's Dream • All's Well That Ends Well • As You Like It • The Comedy of Errors • Cymbeline • Dude, Where Art Mine Horse and Carriage? • Love's Labour's Lost • Measure for Measure • The Merchant of Venice • The Merry Wives of Windsor • Much Ado About Nothing • Pericles, Prince of Tyre • Taming of the Shrew • The Tempest • Twelfth Night • The Two Gentlemen of Verona • The Two Noble Kinsmen • The Winter's Tale Histories: The Bawdy Bard • King John • Richard I • Richard II • Henry IV, Part 1 • Henry IV, Part 2 • Henry V • Henry VI, part 1 • Henry VI, part 2 • Henry VI, part 3 • Henry VIII • Richard III • Richard IV • Richard V • Richard VI • Richard VII • Richard VIIII • Richard IX • Richard X Poems and Sonnets: Venus and Adonis • The Rape of Lucrece • The Passionate Pilgrim • The Phoenix and the Turtle • A Lover's Complaint • Sonnet 18 |
  |