- Vladimir Putin assassinated by Carrie Mathison
Vlad the Puta is currently no more, as reported by supposed former Alanis fan and Mossad agent Kakun. The war seems to be close to an end as Carrie, disguised as the dictator, figures out what to do next. More details to come as Carrie starts missing her daughter Franny Mathison some more, for Christ's sake.
- Pink Floyd reunite to record pro-Ukraine single
All it took was a war and a TikTok video for David Gilmour and Nick Mason to revive Pink Floyd. Immediately after the news hit, the words "Why didn't you invite me, you bloody bastard?" reverberated across the world.
- Boney M and Dschinghis Khan release pro-Ukraine versions of 'Rasputin' and 'Moskau'
BERLIN, Germany -- In light of the Russian invasion of Ukraine, 1970s Eurodisco groups Boney M and Dschinghis Khan have released rewritten pro-Ukraine versions of their hits "Rasputin" and "Moskau." The songs have been rechristened "Zelenskyy" and "Kyiv," respectively.
Boney M said they had trouble coming up with revised lyrics. "I wrote 'Rasputin' about a Russian political figure who gets the chicks and has an enormous dick," says Frank Farian. "Kind of hard to turn that into a song about a Ukrainian president standing up to a ruthless Soviet thug."
Liz Mitchell adds, "I was like, 'Should we mention the fact that he did the voice of Paddington?' We never realized how tough Weird Al's job actually is."