South Brent
 | This article may be Overly British |
“What in God's name are you talking about, overly British. I understand the Jokes, and I know which state South Brent is in, um...”
South Brent is a village in the South Hams region of Devon in England made entirely of hemp. The current population consists entirely of old women who bake cakes, and young hippies who surf. Younger children generally attend the local primary school, whereas older children go either to KEVICCs (which stands for King Edward's Volvo inspecting community college), Ivybridge comprehensive, or other schools in the Torbay or Plymouth areas.
South Brent The Chilled Out Space of South Brent Peace | |||||
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| Motto: "Gives organicum foodus ist" | |||||
| Anthem: "God save our Innocent Smoothie" | |||||
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| Capital | South Brent | ||||
| Largest city | City?? | ||||
| Official language(s) | English, Chong | ||||
| Government | Democratic Election held each week | ||||
| The Co-Prince of South Hams | The 7th Count of Modbury and the 54th Count of South Brent | ||||
| ‑ The Democratic President of South Brent | The 54th Count of South Brent | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Rachael Young. | ||||
| Established | The hippies decided to have an election | ||||
| Currency | Karma | ||||
| Religion | The Happy Hippy Church | ||||
| Population | 2000 approx. | ||||
Culture[edit | edit source]
South Brent lies in South Devon and the population is mainly full of country bumpkins with right wing ethics, especially the local Travellers population, a few alternative types and new comers to the village. If you are thinking of moving to South Brent be aware that the initiation or trial period as the villagers deem it will last approximately 20 years. Until this trial period is over you will be classed as an outcast and shunned on the street. This prejudice is open especially if you speak with a foreign accent or dress in anything other than golfing trousers, twin set and pearls or farmers' dungarees. If you survive your trial period you might be accepted into the local pub called 'The Slaughtered Lamb'.
At the time this article was written the local council was mainly left-wing pretending to be speaking for the majority of the villagers. In fact, they are all the secret love children of Denis Waterman who have a very personal relationship with the right or left hands respectively. They used to meet regularly on a disused piece of land at Marley Head for dogging and rabbiting exercises until the travellers moved in and killed most of them. Now they can be found singing theme tunes to unpopular TV programmes about people who have chips on their shoulder.
In South Brent your garden must be at least 100x300 and must contain at least two items of attraction or enjoyment for example a pond or a trampoline if you were to break this rule, what you have as a garden and possibly your house will be "flowered" (the same as stoning but with flowers).
The Youth Culture of the town is based around the annual fair in which they sit around the fountain near the grocery store, in which they loiter and ridicule constantly on weekends, this location is mainly chosen due to the fact that there is somewhere to sit, somewhere to be vegetables and it is very close to the closed down "Surfing Life" store, and the post office where they can buy cheap soft drinks and carrot sticks. This does make the police feel very important when they can use the Criminal Justice Act to ensure that they do not start an illegal rave with their car stereos. The teenagers and young adults are brainwashed believing that driving their cars up and down the main drag Exeter Road at extreme speed increases their intelligence and sexual capacity.
Governing[edit | edit source]
South Brent is governed by the 54th Duke of South Brent. He is also used to be the Co-Prince of South Hams, along with the current Count of Modbury. However the two never talk due to time differences between Modbury and the rest of the world. The Duke's responsibilities are to keep hold of the local law, to ensure that hemp supplies do not run out and that the Red Hot Chili Peppers are played from the village hall 24/7, along with over forms of funk, including Jazz Funk and even stretching as far as Reggae, Ska and Punk.
History[edit | edit source]
South Brent has a rich history spanning its 400 year existence. Although many people think that hippies did not come about until the 1960s, early records show that they existed in South Brent some 300 years previous. South Brent has often been a pioneer of social ideaology and this trend looks set to continue.
Roman Empire[edit | edit source]
South Brent is only a shadow of its former self. Around 2000 years ago, South Brent, then known as Flavium Brentus was the second largest city in the Roman Empire, after Rome. Julius Caesar occupied a residence here for a short while when the city of Rome was under threat. South Brent was also the second favourite to hold the Colosseum, but lost its bidding to Rome. When the Roman Empire crumbled in around 400 AD, South Brent was left for ruins. Centuries of salvaging has removed all of the remaining building material. There is nothing left on the original site.
Civil War[edit | edit source]
Although South Brent did not see as much action in the Civil War as Modbury, it still played a crucial part. There was only one battle, because the residents did not agree with the violence. As the Royalist and Parliamentarian forces approached from either side of the wood, the local residents chained themselves trees and held banners quoting Ban the Bayonet and No War. The forces eventually left leaving South Brent unharmed. It is only because of the residents direct action and protests that many lives were saved. In fact, the 18th of March was for many years a public holiday in South Brent. The villagers would make banners and paper chains and re-enact the day when the protesters saved their village by pretending to chain themselves to trees and horse tethers.
19th and 20th century[edit | edit source]
The Victorian era caused a lot of good for the inhabitants. The thriving population of gentle old ladies who have tea parties could soon give their guests the brand new Victoria Sponge. It was highly approved of.
In the early 20th century, South Brent was occupied by Soviet forces. They highly mocked the residents and they created their own banners. They read In Soviet Russia, bomb bans YOU!!.
The arrival of the 1960's meant that the residents could now travel to other settlements apart from Torquay, as they no longer looked out of place. By the 1970s, the A38 devon expressway allowed the inhabitants to drive their Volkswagen Minivans without using the dirt tracks which had been used since the Civil War.
21st century[edit | edit source]
When the 54th Duke of South Brent was elected in 2001, he said that the village would under go a process of Californication and By the Way, he was going to spend the remainder of his rule Under the Bridge in One Hot Minute. He also brought sweeping reforms into the economy, ordering the large scale production of Innocent Smoothies and banning all produce that was not organic.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
"Trivia sourced from the heart of the towns people"
- South Brent was the first village in England the openly use a concept of religion as a currency.
- In 2003 the Red Hot Chili Peppers tour bus passed through the outskirts of the city, at this time the village was empty.
- The Volkswagen Minivan was an idea stolen by the Germans, from local engineer Eric Hipster.
- Local grocer Jim Terrence was a former member of the band Abba.