Savage Dragon
The Savage Dragon, or Draco Barbaricus, is a species of semi-sentient,super strong beings who like posing as super heroes. They were originally highly intelligent aliens who invaded Earth in 1986 BC. Unfortunately their brains were melted by the mentally corrosive force known as American pop culture, and thus devolved into the muscle headed idiots they are today. The species is studied by biologist Erik Larsen, who documents his observations in a monthly comic series.
Powers and Abilities[edit | edit source]
The first and foremost superpower of the Savage Dragons is the ability to be green. They are greener than most green backs, and one even outgreened the Jolly Green Giant. Savage dragons are also famous for their strength, as they've been seen lifting and throwing heavy objects such as anvils, pianos, and Homer Simpson. And as with any anti-hero, Savage Dragons possess a healing factor, and can reportedly regrow an entire eyelash! No one is quite sure of what the purpose of their head fins are, save for perhaps butt sex.
Lastly, it should be noted that despite being called "dragons", Savage Dragons cannot breathe fire. Unless they drink lots of gasoline and swallow a match.
Diet and Habitat[edit | edit source]
The main food source for Savage Dragons appears to be ugly, mutated criminals. The uglier the better is what they say, and insipid Doctor Doom ripoffs are considered a delicacy.
In order to find their criminal prey, Savage Dragons live in police stations, or at least someplace with lots of guns, boobies, ripped shirts and muscles. Though many police officers get annoyed by the Savage Dragons leeching off their station, they let them stay because it makes their jobs a lot lot easier.
Mating[edit | edit source]
Although there are many She-Dragons to mate with, Savage Dragons generally prefer busty hookers with electric powers, because they find the expirience "energizing". For similar effects, they will stick their penis into an electrical socket.
There are also isolated reports of Savage Dragons mating with female police officers, but none have been officially proven. If you are a female, do not date a Savage Dragon, for then your chances of dying a horrible death will quadruple.
Communication[edit | edit source]
Though fluent in English, the main form of communication among Savage Dragons appears to be fart jokes. The more juvenile fart jokes indicate urgency, while the more graphic detailed fart jokes are for light hearted conversation. More secrets of their communicationwould've been revealed, if the researchers hadn't passed out from the inevitable flatuance that followed each fart joke.
If a Savage Dragon does not want to talk to someone, he will fake amnesia or run away to another dimension. When a Savage Dragon gets pissed, he will go on a violent rampage and tear up half of Chicago. To conirm his anger he will blame it on "mind controlling slugs".
Religion[edit | edit source]
Savage dragons are surprisingly reverant about their faith, with "don't fuck with God" being a popular saying. Each Savage Dragon must make at least one pilgrimage to Hell in his lifetime, to beat up Satan. If they cannot find Satan, then they will settle for lesser demons like Spawn or Hellboy.
Conservation Status[edit | edit source]
Once being a people of millions, their population has dwindled down to about 200. One reason is that people have often mistaken Savage Dragons for actual dragons, thus many were hunted down by knights in shining armour. Secondly, the preferred habitat of the Savage Dragon is shrinking, with traditional polioce stations being replaced by Robocop repair centers. The third and most important reason is that Savage Dragons are undeniably stupid. Many have died while trying to perform simple tasks such as cooking spaghetti, using a lawnmower, or breathing fire via match and gasoline.
Interested in their extinction, President Barack Obama has assigned the remaining Savage Dragons with highly dangerous jobs, such as bodyguarding, crossing guard duty, and mooning direspectful diplomats.