Rusty Bowers
Rusty "Crusty" Bowers is an old guy some people could mistake for being an Arizonian Politician: In fact, he looks so much like an Arizonian Politician that he dressed up as an Arizonian Politician on three separate Halloweens, and ended up winning the Arizonian Republican Primary Election every single time.
Some of Rusty's hobbies include painting Mexicans, debunking election fraud, sculpting Mexicans, watching the movie Cars, ordering Evapo-Rust CRC Heavy-Duty Reusable Acid-Free Non-Corrosive, Water-Based 32 oz Rust Remover of Amazon, being doxxed, and consuming Evapo-Rust CRC Heavy-Duty Reusable Acid-Free Non-Corrosive Water-Based 32 oz Rust Remover.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Rusty Bowers, born at age four, lived his early life on an Arizonian farm, learning how to harvest sheep wool, debunk election fraud, paint Mexicans, sculpt Mexicans and order off of Amazon. During this time Rusty decided to turn on his 1960's TV and watch some Bob Ross. This would start his obsession of painting & sculpting Mexicans, but you already knew that, because I mentioned it earlier in this paragraph.
Political Life[edit | edit source]
"Despite common belief, Rusty was not a politician, his political career was the lack of a political career shaped by surroundings, experiences, and inward actions; by making his non-political career become political, he made his opposition's non-pulled legs become pulled." ~ Oscar Wilde
By pretending to be a politician, he did many great things; like debunking election fraud, and declining a bill that would have allowed the Arizona state legislature to override the results of a presidential election in Arizona.
As with the great things, he also did many little things; like furthering his artistic passion, getting married to Donetta Russell, and tricking the current president of the United States Joe Biden into giving him the highly honored second-highest civilian award, the Presidential Citizens Medal.
In late 2020, the YouTuber/Politician called KKKellyTownsend decided to doxx Rusty on her Twitter account and asked her fans to protest at his house because Rusty didn't organise a collab with the legislature to appoint an alternate slate of electors.
Non-Political Life (All of it)[edit | edit source]
Outside of his fake political career, he settled down with his beautiful wife, Donnetta Russell, and had SEVEN CHILDREN. That is nearly 10× the average amount of children per couple in the USA. Donnetta is pumping em' out faster than me in the shitter after Taco Bell.
Due to the fast rate of childbirth, these children are more expendable than regular children. In 2021, Rusty sacrificed one of his daughters (Most likely for tax reasons) under the guise of the fake disease "Hepatic Cancer."
Death[edit | edit source]
Rusty Bowers is not dead.
Rusty Bowers is not dying.
Rusty Bowers will never die.
Rusty Bowers is eternal.