Robitussin

The most dangerous drug of our time.

Robitussin is a dangerous street drug, and the leading contributor to the ongoing youth drug problem currently gripping the Western World. Known by various monikers, Robitussin typically comes in two consumable forms: a hard/gelatinous pill form, and a syrupy liquid form. Robitussin is a public menace, and should be avoided by the average citizen.

History

It is hard to pinpoint the exact point Robitussin broke out into the public consciousness. However, sometime in the early-to-mid 90s is generally the accepted range. During which period, it became fashionable for preteens to experiment with drugs. Lacking the funds to purchase any of the "real" drugs, they began experimenting with household items. It was this intrepid group of middleschoolers that gave the world kitten huffing, glue sniffing, and getting high off spray paint, among other things.

Their collective crowning achievement, however, has to be the discovery of robotripping. They found, through constant experimentation, that by eating/drinking lots of almost any medicine, you felt really funny afterward. One of these medicines was Robitussin. Since Robitussin was less fatal than taking copious amounts of pain killers, and gave more of a high than eating an entire bottle of Flintstones vitamins, it quickly became a favorite in middle school drug circles around the country.

It was from these relatively humble beginnings that Robitussin and "tussers" expanded rapidly. Middleschoolers eventually entered high school, and gained jobs. However, because most high school students spend their money very poorly (especially those likely to experiment with robos), they were always at a loss to buy any of the "real" drugs that they desired. Instead of moving on to bigger and better drugs—marijuana, cocaine, crystal meth—they were instead flung once again into the vicious world of robotripping.

Today, the Robitussin abusers make up 1.53% of all detainees in federal prison. Although essentially all of them are imprisoned for other, more “serious” crimes, the problem of Robitussin should not be overlooked or understated.

Usage and Effects

Effects

The effects or Robitussin vary considerably with dosage. After taking ten pills, one feels a slightly disorientating effect. They will lose partial motor control, be abnormally giddy, feel light headed, and find everything approximately 1.8 times funnier than normal. This is sometimes called the "Jack Sparrow Stage" by Robitussin experts, because the tripper will act and feel like Jack Sparrow. During this stage, it is not uncommon for the tripper to wish to ingest greater amounts of the drug.

After ingesting twenty pills, the tusser feels the effects of the first stage, but in greater magnitude. For instance; things become anywhere from 2.4 to 3.1 times funnier than normal. This is the typical dosage most trippers opt for, and is also typically the stage some of the dreaded side effects begin appearing. It is also typical for the tripper to wish to ingest more of the drug, something that is not recommended.

After ingesting forty pills in one 'trip,' the user becomes lethargic, unaware, and loses control over most motor functions. The tusser might also experience closed-eye hallucinations. This experience is typically described as "sucking ass" by most that experience it. At this point, it is common for the tripper to either pass the fuck out or put on an all-Doors playlist while preparing to pass the fuck out. The dreaded side effects also begin appearing in full at this point.

After ingesting anything over forty pills, the effects experienced at forty pills become more pronounced. For instance; the urge to pass the fuck out will become progressively greater.

Robo Itch

After ingesting a large amount of Robitussin, the tusser will likely experience something called "Robo Itch." This is Robitussin's most dangerous—and only—side effect. The Robitussin will cause the tusser to become extra-sensitive to irritating sensations, and therefore cause him/her to be more likely to become itchy. In the process of scratching their Robo Itch, the tusser only irritate him/her-self more, leading to a terrible and self-destructive vicious circle of itching and scratching.

Every year, Robo Itch inconveniences hundreds—if not thousands—of robotrippers. Prolonged roboitching can cause skin irritation, pimples, social awkwardness and other things teens typically experience anyway. If you see someone experiencing Robo Itch, it is recommended that you subdue them at once.

Overdose

Rotitussin overdose.

Robitussin overdoses are unheard of and nearly impossible, but that does not make them any less fatal. After ingesting somewhere in the neighborhood of 1,200 pills of Robitussin, the user’s bloodstream is so saturated with Dextromethorphan—the active ingredient—that heart and lung functions become slowed tremendously. This slowing of bodily functions is typically accompanied by vomiting, nausea, and—in extreme cases—coma. As it is physically impossible to swallow this many pills—even if you wanted to—the odds of overdosing on Robitussin are incredibly low. Because of this, Robitussin is considered incredibly dangerous.

Availability and Trafficking

Robitussin can be found in almost any small town in America. These "robo towns," as they are called by tussin experts, often look just like any other small town. However, their typically benign exterior conceals the deep underbelly of America’s small town drug culture.

Dealers

A Robitussin dealer stocks "product".

Robitussin dealers—like most drug dealers—fit a very particular set of criteria (criterion #1: they sell drugs). Your typical tussin trader will be between the ages of 18-19, as Walgreen’s only employs people above the age of 18. They are almost always males, and at very least slightly socially awkward. More than likely, they’ve tried robos themselves once or twice, and are looking to “turn the tables” by scratching out a living distributing rather than consuming the drug. In addition to Robitussin, the dealers will often sell other lurid materials and substances; like condoms, pain killers, birth control pills, Flintstone’s vitamins, and Vanity Fair magazines.

Oftentimes, the dealer will have no remorse over what he’s doing. He will likely think that it’s "just a job" and that he "needs money for med school" and that he "only makes $7.50 an hour," but his is all deception on his part. Your typical dealer is in fact a dangerous public menace, and should not under any circumstances be approached or trusted.

Trafficking: The "Golden L"

The "Golden L."

Robitussin traffickers all follow a particular pattern in transporting the drug, that Robtussin scholars have come to call the "Golden L."

Things will typically start off in the tusser's own home: perhaps their parents are away, or they;re in their room or the basement. This location makes up the starting and ending point of the journey.

From this point, the tusser will ride his bike (as he likely cannot drive) up the street. He will then turn the corner, and proceed up Main Street or its equivalent to the local pharmacy. From here, he purchases Robitussin—sometimes as much as $10 worth at a time—and leaves the store. He then rides back to his home, ending the robo run.

Robitussin Culture

The Psychological Makeup of a Typical Tusser

The typical tusser will fit at least some of these criteria:

• Between the ages of 13 and 17
• Aspire to bigger, better drugs
• Have few friends
• Have an affinity for The Doors
• Live close to the local pharmacy
• Make at least $10/week

Anyone who fits at least four of these criteria may be a tusser. If this is the case, you should report said person to the proper authorities at once.

Rob-Slang

There is a great deal of street lexicon concerning Robitussin, which every citizen should be aware of. Here are the "street" names for...

Robitussin

• "Robos"
• "Dex"
• "Tussin"
• "Robitussin"
• "Rebotuxin" (generic brand)

Getting High on Robitussin

• "Robotripping"
• "Dexing"
• "Tussing"
• "Getting high on Robitussin"

Robo Itch

• "Robo Itch"

See Also

• Drugs
• Pot
• Heroin
• LSD
• Middle School

you know it too.