Muskrat
“They're rats... and they're delicious!”
“No, they're fish... and they're delicious!”
“his tail was like a long bit of black india-rubber”
The Muskrat(vinny) is a large rodent with soft fur, big claws and a very long tail. The muskrat is also known as a tasty treat for many Canadians and a special dish at Kola's.
Behavior[edit | edit source]
When feeding, they may be observed nibbling on bacon and chewing on cheese. Excellent dancers, they can tango and do the jitterbug. They are the most romantic and erotic of all rodents; the male's foreplay includes "muzzle to muzzle" kisses, "rubbin her toes" and "ticklin her fancy". Muskrats can hold their breath for up to 17 minutes; wink wink nudge nudge.
Conservation status[edit | edit source]
For a time, muskrats in the U.S. were mercilessly hunted by Steve Ballmer to make toupees. Unfortunately, like cockroaches, muskrats are impossible to kill, and lay eggs on bald peoples heads when used as such. Following conservation campaigns by America and Captain & Tennile, numbers have since recovered. Some low-lying European countries such as Belgium and the Netherlands consider the muskrat to be a pest that must be exterminated; its burrowing causes damage to the dikes that these nations depend on for protection from flooding.
Classification[edit | edit source]
Atheist scientists would have you believe that muskrats are mammals. However, as the Catholic Church will tell you, animals that live in the water and don't have shells are fish and thus can be eaten for Lent... and if you question any of that, you are going straight to hell right after your execution.
With garlic mashed potatoes[edit | edit source]
It is said that muskrat tastes a bit like duck and that the hind legs are the best part. You can't make this shit up:
- "All God's creatures belong next to my garlic mashed potatoes" - Johnny Kolakowski, muskrat chef
- "Anyone who could eat muskrat was doing penance worthy of the greatest of the saints." - Michigan Bishop Kenneth Povish
External links[edit | edit source]
- The Devoted Friend (water-rat, muskrat... almost the same thing ;)
- Muskrat Love
- Muskrats don't love Lent
- Hinterland Who's Who - Muskrat
- Even Fred Phelps Loves Muskrats!