Mr Noseybonk

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A poster Noseybonk hung on victim's doors. Go check yours. I dare you...
Mr. Noseybonk about to murder a victim
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Mr Noseybonk.

“This guy is creepy.”

~ Captain Obvious on Noseybonk

Mr. Noseybonk (True name not known) is as creepy as fuck!![Citation not needed at all; thank you very much] Now that that's out way, Mr. Noseybonk is a silent hitman that first appeared in 1992 on the NHS channel, killing several unidentified men for reasons not known. (probably becaused he felt like it) Ever since then, Mr. Noseybonk has been hired by many infamous crimanals to murder a victim, and is currently #7 on America's Most Wanted list.

Early Life[edit]

Noseybonk's early life is a mystery. Some believe he is a man with a disfigured face, and went insane after seeing it. Others believe he was a man with a checkered past who needed more money, to feed to his family. For a short time, he was thought to have been directly involved in the Kennedy assassinations of both John, and his brother, Bobby. Nothing was ever proven, aside from Noseybonk trying to stick the blame on John Seigenthaler. Whatever his origins are (Allegedly the real ringleader of the notorious Manson Family), Noseybonk was never heard from until 1992.

First Strike[edit]

Mr. Noseybonk's first appearence in 1992.

Mr. Noseybonk first appeared in 1992 in the Memorial Hospital in Chicago, Illinois. The hospital was being filmed on live TV, as the news story was about a new type of cure for something people may never know (Hopefully it was not cancer), because Noseybonk jumped in from the window, and stabbed ever paitent. Not saying a word, the killer stole the medicine that cured whatever it was, and left. Every person in the room was killed, including the cameraman and reporter. Nobody knew who the man was, but due to creepy appearence and long nose, many dubbed him "Mr. Noseybonk".


Mr. Noseybonk in 1994.

Mr. Noseybonk returned in 1994, hired by crime boss Salvatore Valestra to murder rapper Ronald McDonald. That night, Noseybonk spotted McDonald in a dark alley masturbating. Noseybonk was about to murder the clown, until Ronald's friend Uwe Boll came to the rescue! Instead of fighting, the 3 decided to call it a night, as they all got a beer together. Noseybonk was not paid, so the following day, Valestra was found dead on his bed, with a knife stabbed in his head. Noseybonk was the suspected killer.

Working for Caillou[edit]

From 2007 to late 2008, Noseybonk was often hired by Caillou, an infamous crime boss to do his dirty work, due to his old age. Noseybonk was paid well, and often succeded in missions, such as the assassination of Michael Jackson (Though Noseybonk killed him for fun weeks before being hired), Fred Figglehorn and That guy down the street. He is also one of the many possible killers of Steve Burns, though this is still disputed. However, by 2008, Caillou was never heard from again, leaving Noseybonk free for hire.

Noseybonk about to murder Michael Jackson. Also pictured are Minions of Noseybonk dubbed "The Noseaters", in their first and final appearence, as their identities are also unknown...


Mr. Noseybonk was hired by The Cult of The latter day Alien to murder Ke$ha due to her music, as it was (apparently) upsetting the Face-Eating Alien god thing. When Noseybonk was about to kill her, she began to "sing" (or talk in that annoying voice), which made him scream silently. He retreated from her, and failed his mission. Due to him being injured by her music, Noseybonk needed a new way to kill. He began planting strange seeds known as "Nosegays". When planted and watered, they create erecting plants in a matter of seconds. Extremely rare Footage of the incident can be watched below:

Nobody knows why Noseybonk planted the flowers, but whatever the reason was, it was odd. (And creepy)

Attempt to murder Justine Bieber[edit]

In 2009, Noseybonk was hired by God to murder Justin Bieber due to it's piss poor music. Noseybonk was sent back in time and searched everywere for Bieber, but it was not found. For a while, Noseybonk was killing anybody tweeting about Bieber. Searching everywere for the kid, Justin Bieber could not be found. Noseybonk failed the mission, but was paid anyway, for at lease attempting. Turns out, Bieber was hiding in it's bathroom reading a Playgirl magazine while taking a dump. Yes, Playgirl. Noseybonk stabbed Bieber in the head afterwards.


Noseybonk's advert

On July 23 2010, Noseybonk was arrested for attempted murder on Christian Bale, hired by Adam West, Micheal Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney, and Kevin Conroy. Noseybonk was thrown into a cell, tied up so he would not escape. Written all over Noseybonk's cell was "You Sillier Outlaw", which was strange, considering he was all tied up. Only a few hours later, Noseybonk was out of his cell, and was no were to be seen until 12:00 P.M. were he was found hiding in one of several bags containing substances not known outside of the police station. His cell now read in bloody letters, "I Will Eat Your Soul". Noseybonk was found escaping prison by hoping in one of the many bags. The elder police officer chased Noseybonk across the town, but he was too fast to catch, and got away without a trace. "He was a creepy son of a bitch!" stated fellow inmate Hannibal Lecter. The footage of Noseybonk's escape along with many other Noseybonk footage can be watched below:

Noseybonk Today[edit]

Noseybonk's whereabouts are not known at this moment. He could be hiding in the Axis of Evil's palace at the moment, or planning a new scheme. Many belive that Noseybonk was the killer of Kate Goslin on September 2 2010, though others think it was Jon. Noseybonk is currently #7 on the America's Most Wanted list.

Assassination attempt[edit]

On December 7th, 2010, Noseybonk, allied with the Kinder eggman, and was reported to have murdered David Cameron, but sadly he only managed to murder a clone of Cameron in a secret goverment lab that the news deny any existence of, even though it's all over Wikileaks.

See Also[edit]