Los Angeles Kings

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“When did Los Angeles get a hockey team?”

~ Everybody on the Kings

“Wait a minute. These aren't the Lakers!”

~ Lakers fan on the Kings

“Wait a minute. These aren't the Lakers!”

~ Clippers fan on the Kings

“Wait a minute. I thought they played Basketball in Sacramento”

~ LA local Media on the Kings

“We had Wayne Gretzky once!”

~ Kings front office on their team
Los Angeles Kings
Los angeles kings 2000.gif
Conference Western
Division One that shouldn't exist
Arena StapLes Center
City Los Angeles
Colors Barney Purple, Silver
Stanley Cups 1. Did we mention they used to have Wayne Gretzky once?
Owner Mark Sinterior
Fans 3, give or take

The Los Angeles Kings are supposedly an NHL hockey team, located out in Los Angeles, California. They supposedly had Wayne Gretzky at one point.They even are the current NHL champions.


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Los Angeles Kings.


Los Angeles still doesn't understand that the Kings don't play basketball in Sacramento

A Late Revival (1912-1918)[edit]

In 1912 the idea of a hockey team was still a rumor, but was voted by the government "in" and the Ducks, "out". The hardest part about this was that they needed an arena and they had no choice but to start their franchise at the forum.

In 1914 the franchise won their first Stanley Cup after only 2 years in existince, and you could tell that Shark fans were pissed. The team would then go into a decline untill the late 1970's.

A Start Of A Decline (1918 - 1920)[edit]

In 1918 people started to realise that the Kings suck, and it came at a bad time because L.A. wouldin't finance the Kings, stating that they thought they were "big boys now.".

In 1920 A construction of a new arena started, but failed. The plans for the arena would not go into effect untill 1972.

The End Of A Decline (1920-1922)[edit]

In 1921 The Kings finally got up on their feet, stood up together as a whole, and said "f*** you" to the NHL and it's staff. They would then serve a 20 year penalty of being forced to suck. The team would try to keep this secret, but since it's on here, I don't think it was very secret!!!

In 1922 the end of the decline started a whole franchise decline. This wasin't the "decline era", It was the "King era".


The end of the penaly issued was ended, but the Kings were still sucking, so the Kings had to take crystal meth before each game to kill ATLEAST one player per game. A sad, sad, time in Los Angeles it was. But, these are the Kings we're talking about so, who gives a f***? The Kings were as bad as a cat humping a squirrel, and that was soon their primary logo of the 1940's

Season-by-season record[edit]

This is a partial list of the last five seasons completed by the Kings. For the full season-by-season history, actually take the time to see the website.

Note: GP = Games played, W = Wins, L = Losses, T = Ties, OTL = Overtime losses/Shootout losses, Pts = Points, GF = Goals for, GA = Goals against, PIM = Penalties in minutes

Season GP W L T1 OTL Pts GF GA PIM Finish Playoffs
2004–05 Season cancelled due to Gary Betman losing all the NHL's money
2005–061 7 8 3 -- 5 9 2 5 1 9th, Pacific Did not show up
2006–07 54 75 41 -- 14 68 27 23 11 1st, Western Did not show up
2007–08 2 1,000 24!! -- 7 71 231 66 30 45th, Pacific Did not qualify
2008–09 82 34 37 -- 11 79 207 234 112 79th, Eastern Did not qualify

Franchise individual records[edit]

  • Sucking then making it into the playoffs in two years
  • Trading Wayne Gretzky for someone who we don't even give a crap about
  • For stealing the Winnipeg Jet's last regular season game puck
  • For going from purple and yellow to silver and purple
  • To have a lion as a Kings mascot
  • For even grasping Wayne Gretzky
  • For having Luc Robitaille
  • For actually maintaining a Lakers-dominent fanbase