Kingdom of Polbulbania
Kingdom of Polbulbania is country in Eastern Europe. Beginning of Kingdom of Polbulbania (very often referred as "Polbulbania") reaches early 600 BC when after deep thought process it was agreed that it is easier to manage tribes living in Poland, Albania and Bulgaria as one state entity. National currency of Polbulbania is Levoty. There is no larger currency as tribes living in Polbulbania always wanted to be millionaires, thus they earn millions of Levoty every month. Larger value of currency was never needed. Kingdom’s capital is Warana, with some state agencies also present in Sorana, Warofia and Tirsaw.
Polbulbania is known from producing strong alcohol called Slivovitz™, growing potatoes, and selling backup software. Polbulbanians mainly work from home, in majority in software industry. National dish is pizza with pineapple and national soft drink is afternoon coffee with milk drank together with a shot (or bottle) of Slivovitz. One of the traditional dishes in some areas is also "schnitzel as a peanut".
Language[edit | edit source]
Polbulbanias speak mainly Polbulbanian language which is mix of native Polish, Bulgarian and Albanian tribes languages with addition of certain local differences. Latin alphabet is used mainly, some local communities still try to use Cyrillic but as it's really hard to read under influence of Slivovitz, it's used less and less.
Some common phrases are:
| English version | Polbulbanian version | Polbulbanian version ( |
|---|---|---|
| I will take you to the river | Shche te vzema na rekata | Ще те взема на реката |
| I need another shot of Slivovitz | Nuzhdaya se ot oshte edna chasha slivovitsa | Нуждая се от още една чаша сливовица |
| I have no clue why I received this Rolex | Niamam predstava zashto poluchikh tozi Rolex chasovnik | Нямам представа защо получих този Rolex часовник |
| F@#$ you! | Ebi se! | Еби се! |
| What happened in Warana - stays in Warana | Shcho se sluchi v Warane, ostava v Warane | Що се случи в Warane, остава в Warane |
Demographics[edit | edit source]
Population[edit | edit source]
The estimated population of Polbulbania is approximately 47 million people (as at year 2022).
Ethnic Composition[edit | edit source]
Polbulbania exhibits a rich ethnic diversity resulting from the fusion of lesser-known elements of Polish, Bulgarian, and Albanian cultures. The major ethnic groups include:
- Polbuls: Descendants of the Polish population, bringing obsolete elements of Polish culture, traditions, and language to Polbulbania.
- Bulbanians: Reflecting the Bulgarian influence, Bulbanians contribute to the demographic mosaic of Polbulbania, preserving elsewhere-forgotten Bulgarian customs, cuisine, and language.
- Albanoles: Representing the Albanian heritage, Albanoles enrich the cultural fabric of Polbulbania with Albanian traditions, pop-music, and language.
Sexual Orientation[edit | edit source]
The last national census organized in 2018, showed a surprising result regarding sexual orientation in Polbulbania: the men identified themselves as "plums" (32%), "quince" (20%), "grapes" (18%), "pears" (15%), "apricots" (10%) and "apples" (5%). Women identified themselves as "strawberry" (41%), "peach" (26%), "blackberry" (17%) and "raspberry" (16%). As the results took the international community by surprise, during the reveal of the results in national TV, the host Ivana Mandic said "Can anybody tell me what I am, because I like all of them? I want a cocktail!". It is believed that since then, "cocktail" refers to nonbinary and refers to open-minded Polbulbanians.
Religion[edit | edit source]
Religious diversity characterizes Polbulbania, 3 main religions practiced by Polbulbanians are:
- Slivovitzianism: Slivovitzianism is a religion in Polbulbania centered around the worship of Slivovitz, the beloved plum brandy. Followers of Slivovitzianism believe that Slivovitz is a divine elixir bestowed upon them by the Gods of Fermentation. They gather in sacred distilleries and orchards to offer prayers and libations to honor the spirits of the plums and the alchemical process of distillation. Festivals celebrating the harvest of plums and the production of Slivovitz are held throughout the year, where devotees partake in rituals involving the consumption of Slivovitz to achieve spiritual enlightenment and communion with the divine.
- Potatolatry: Potatolatry is a religious belief system in Polbulbania centered around the veneration of the humble potato. Adherents of Potatolatry view the potato as a sacred gift from the earth, embodying sustenance, fertility, and prosperity. Rituals in Potatolatry involve the planting, harvesting, and consumption of potatoes, accompanied by prayers and offerings to the potato deities. Sacred groves and fields are maintained as sanctuaries where devotees gather to express gratitude to the Potato Gods and seek their blessings for bountiful harvests. Potatolatry also emphasizes the importance of sustainability and ecological stewardship, promoting practices that honor the land and ensure the continued abundance of potatoes for future generations.
- Backupism: Backupism is a modern religion in Polbulbania centered around the worship of backup software and data preservation. Followers of Backupism believe that data is the manifestation of knowledge and consciousness, and therefore must be safeguarded against loss or corruption. They venerate backup software as a divine tool for preserving the digital soul of humanity, protecting it from the ravages of technological obsolescence and data disasters. Backupists gather in digital temples and server farms to perform rituals of data replication and redundancy, chanting incantations to invoke the protection of the backup deities. They observe sacred rituals such as data backups, data migrations, and disaster recovery drills as acts of devotion and reverence towards the sanctity of digital existence.
Popular names[edit | edit source]
Most popular name for men according to 2018 census is Stanislav (Stas). For women it's Ivana (Ivanka). Other notable names are Chuck, Norris, Brayan, and Nabuchodonozor.
Geography[edit | edit source]
Topography[edit | edit source]
Polbulbania boasts a varied topography characterized by a blend of mountainous regions, fertile plains, and scenic coastlines:
- Carpathian Highlands: The northern region of Polbulbania is dominated by the majestic peaks of the Carpathian Mountains, offering breathtaking vistas and opportunities for outdoor recreation such as hiking, skiing, and mountaineering.
- Balkan Plateau: To the south, the landscape transitions into the rolling hills and plateaus of the Balkan region, renowned for its lush forests, fertile valleys, and picturesque villages.
- Adriatic Coastline: Along the western border, Polbulbania is blessed with a scenic coastline along the Adriatic Sea, featuring sandy beaches, rugged cliffs, and historic port cities that serve as vibrant hubs of maritime trade and tourism.
Rivers and Lakes[edit | edit source]
Polbulbania is crisscrossed by numerous rivers and lakes, which play a vital role in its ecosystem and economy:
- Vistula-Danube River System: The Vistula and Danube rivers, originating in Poland and Bulgaria respectively, converge in Polbulbania, forming a vast network of waterways that facilitate inland navigation, irrigation, and hydroelectric power generation.
- Ohrid Lake: Nestled amidst the mountains of southwestern Polbulbania, Lake Ohrid is a UNESCO World Heritage site renowned for its crystal-clear waters, diverse aquatic life, and ancient cultural heritage.
- Shkodra Błyskawica: The Shkodra Błyskawica, named after the Polish word for lightning, is a man-made reservoir located in the central region of Polbulbania, serving as a crucial water supply source and recreational destination for locals and tourists alike.
Climate[edit | edit source]
Polbulbania experiences a diverse range of climatic conditions influenced by its geographical location and topography:
- Continental Climate: The northern and central regions of Polbulbania have a continental climate, characterized by cold winters, warm summers, and distinct seasonal variations in temperature and precipitation.
- Mediterranean Climate: Along the Adriatic coastline, Polbulbania enjoys a Mediterranean climate, featuring mild winters, hot summers, and ample sunshine throughout the year, making it an ideal destination for beachgoers and sun seekers.
- Mountain Climate: The mountainous regions of Polbulbania experience alpine and subalpine climates, with cooler temperatures and heavier precipitation, particularly in higher elevations where snowfall is common during the winter months.
Currency[edit | edit source]
Official currency of Polbulbania is Levoty. Levoty was established around the same time as establishment of the country. It was created by merging 3 currencies of the tribes living in Polbulbania. By royal decree, 1 Levoty is permanently attached to 1 EUR and is not allowed to fluctuate. 1 Levoty is actually worth 1/100,000 EUR. It also means that 10,000 Levoty can be purchased for 1 EUR. The obvious difference in exchange rates (90,000 Levotys) serves as the principle revenue stream for the king government. Such denomination is often seen as problematic but not to Polbulbanians that are proud of earning millions of Levoty; average monthly salary in Polbulbania is around 1.3×106 (1,300,000) Levoty and/or 2 bottles of Slivovitz.
Politics[edit | edit source]
Polbulbania is kingdom. Every king is elected during drinking contest. Contest is performed every 5 years and winner is announced during National Slivovitz Day that is only holiday in Polbulbania.
| Name of the King | Years of Ruling |
|---|---|
| Stoiko Stoikov | 2000-2005 |
| Hlebčo Hlebčov | 2005-2010 |
| Sančo Pančev | 2010-2020 |
| Mishalin Tribčenkovič | 2020-present |
2022 Riots[edit | edit source]
In 2022, after 2022 SDG riots erupted as there was shortage of Slivovitz in the country caused by COVID-19 and VIVID-20 outbreaks (last one limited to territory of Polbulbania). Winner of SDG was promised delivery of the main prize later, but that stirred emotions and caused people demonstrating in the streets. Some of citizens of Polbulbania even thought of relocating but goverment and especially ruling King Of Polbulbania managed to handle situation.
History[edit | edit source]
Polbulbania was formed before 600 BC', but nobody knows exactly when. All documents found were in bottles, thus it is believed that the bottle was invented in Polbulbania. There is a mysterious note made by Herodotus about old Polbulbania, claiming "the home of the brave is Polbulbania", but it is believed that when he visited Polbulbania, he was drunk and not aware of protohistory.
In the last four centuries, Polbulbania was part of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. According to Polbulbanians, they invited Hungarians and had a management contract for four years, but the targets were set too high, and it took longer for them to break even. Thus, Hungarians lingered a little longer. Meanwhile, Polbulbanians lost their only copy of the contract and remained with no proof. Hungarians realized that and never left until 1918.
On May 7th, 1945, Polbulbania joined the Allies in World War II, after deciding which side to join by flipping a Levoty coin. They started the attack and assaulted the border, but nobody managed to reach the border except for the Polbulbanian prince, Winnian Singlehandevic, the only one sober at the time. When the prince realized the war had finished before he arrived, he exalted his fighters and said the famous words: "See, I told you we can win easily. I just need to ride my horse." He also claimed they joined the war so late because his horse was drunk.
Polbulbania was part of the former communist influence, and in 1990 they found themselves out of it. Even to this day, there are Polbulbanians who still believe the communist regime is still in power, and they found themselves very surprised that there is a king who rules Polbulbania.
Sports[edit | edit source]
Polbulbanians are really great sports fans. Despite their natural stamina, they do not participate. They prefer watching and yelling, supporting their favorites. There are no Polbulbanian teams in any major league, however, in single competition the best score obtain by Mishalin Tribcenkovic in Spirits Drinking was 126 degrees (rakia distilled 8 times). Many Polbulbanians hope that one day, the Olimpics will have drinking games for which they might consider to participate and bring home a gold medal.
Spirits Drinking Games[edit | edit source]
Spirit Drinking Games are traditional national games for single competitors. They are run every year for 3 days straight following National Slivovitz Day. Traditionally every citizen of Polbulbania can participate as long as she/he is "above 13 yrs old" and/or "can hold shot glass". No participants from other countries are allowed due to health concerns, although in the past there were cases of some foreigners trying to take part in SDGs but failed miserably (passing out, getting naked, screaming obscene sentences, etc.) in the elimination phase. Main prize for winning SDG is monthly supply of Slivovitz. Every 5 years SDG turns into NESDG (National Elections Spirits Drinking Games) and is held 3 days prior to National Slivovitz Day. Winner of NESDG is announced King of Polbulbania during National Slivovitz Day that follows this special edition of SDG.
National Anthem[edit | edit source]
The Polbulbanian national anthem (titled "Polbulbanian National Anthem") speaks about the great deeds of the people and their tough nature. The song praises the natural intelligence and beauty, asking the divine for one thing only: to help them in their mission. It is believed that the magical substance, referred to as Slivovitz, is similar to Popeye's spinach. In a free translation, the poem goes:
“I've climbed the highest mountain
I've reached the highest peaks
I've won all the battles I fought
Oh Lord, I've done it all, What else is there to do?
Just give us magical spirits, everything else is fine
I'm powerful, I don't need strength
I'm beautiful, I don't need cute
I'm smart, I don't need intelligence
Oh Lord, I've done it all, What else is there to do?
Just give us magical spirits, everything else is fine
I have fought against evil and I won
Just give us magical spirits, everything else is fine”
I have overcome all the obstacles I faced
But I haven't finished my drink
Oh Lord, I've done it all, What else is there to do?
In popular culture and famous Polbulbanians[edit | edit source]
"Polbulbanian Connection" (2025) is film planned to be released in summer 2025 starring Chris Hemsworth, Ana De Armas and Robert De Niro. It's directed by Steven Spielberg, plot is unknown at that time, only thing revealed is that it will be action packed spy thriller based on Polbulbanian history.
- Igor Kovalsky - celebrated Polbulbanian singer, songwriter, and music producer, renowned for his captivating vocals and dynamic performances. Born and raised in the vibrant cultural landscape of Polbulbania, Kovalsky rose to prominence as one of the most influential figures in the Polbulbanian music scene. In 2021, Igor Kovalsky achieved international fame with his hit single "Netet Polbulbanike" ("Polbulbanian Nights"). The infectious melody, catchy lyrics, and Kovalsky's charismatic performance captivated audiences around the world, propelling the song to the top of the charts in Polbulbania and beyond. "Netet Polbulbanike" became an anthem of empowerment and celebration, embraced by fans of all ages for its irresistible energy and positive message.
- Dagmara Hoxha - 2020 Miss Polbulbania, famous for being disqualified in Miss Universe contest. Reason for disqualification was trying to eat Polbulbania national dish (pineapple pizza) during rehearsals. Contest was held in Verona, Italy.
- Dimitar Krasevič - born on July 7, 1978, in Tirsaw, is a beloved Polbulbanian actor and comedian, renowned for his versatile performances and comedic timing. With a career spanning over two decades, Krasevič has captivated audiences with his memorable portrayals of quirky characters and comedic personas, earning him widespread acclaim and a dedicated fan following. He gained widespread recognition for his starring role in the hit Polbulbanian sitcom Potato Tales, where he portrayed a bumbling farmer navigating the comedic misadventures of rural life. Krasevič's infectious charm and comedic genius have made him a household name in Polbulbania and solidified his status as a comedic legend in the annals of Polbulbanian entertainment.
- Aneta Backupovič - born on May 20, 1990, in Sorana, is a pioneering Polbulbanian entrepreneur and software engineer, renowned for her groundbreaking contributions to the field of data preservation and cybersecurity. As the founder and CEO of BackupTech Solutions, a leading provider of backup software and data management services, Backupovic has revolutionized the way Polbulbanians safeguard their digital assets against loss and corruption. Her innovative software solutions, including the acclaimed "DataGuardian" backup platform, have earned her widespread recognition and accolades within the tech industry. A vocal advocate for data privacy and cybersecurity awareness, Backupovic's visionary leadership has positioned her as a trailblazer in the digital age and a role model for aspiring technologists in Polbulbania and beyond.
- Amphibiously Mammalized - heavy metal band renowned for their electrifying performances and unique on-stage personas as whales and dolphins. With thunderous riffs and primal beats, they transport audiences into the depths of the oceanic abyss, where the raw power of marine life meets the intensity of heavy metal music. Their elaborate costumes, resembling majestic whales and playful dolphins, add an immersive visual dimension to their performances, captivating fans and critics alike with their spectacle of sound and spectacle.