Kevin Spacey

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Kevin Spacey, CBE (Formed by Sin and dubbed Kevin Spacey Fowler; July 26, 1959) is an immensely "talented" "actor", impressionist and, for some reason, I feel the need to call him a pedophile. He was born before Satan and spends his time making my favourite movies and plotting world domination with his fellow Film Actor's Guild 'FAG'. Analysis of his hair, skin flakes and other genetic material (which can be found in many California motels) confirms his reptoid ancestry. Be wary: he smokes a pipe, and not just a tobacco pipe; any pipe that he can get his hands on. Yes, even yours.

Early "life"[edit | edit source]

Spacey has never lived and cannot die either. He is on a similar power basis as such beings as Oprah, Christopher Walken, Chuck Norris and David Hasselhoff.

"Can I borrow your thumb, reporter? Thank you." Kevin Spacey before he cut off the thumb of an irritating reporter. And thanked them.

He formed the Generally Super Evil Villain League (the government) in an attempt to destroy most of the other ultra-beings, but to this day has failed.

His acting talents are second to none, brought about by his greatness, and is able to impersonate every living being bar Tom Cruise, purely because he doesn't want to.

Evil deeds[edit | edit source]

For more information on Kevin Spacey's unpleasant deeds within his evil league.

A Spanish campaign poster for Spacey's bid to take over all third world countries and use them as pawns. It reads: "Do as I say, young people, or I'll put a catering tray up your ass. Love, Kevin Spacey."

Outside of the league he has done plenty of misdeeds also, including having wild sex with Bill Gates and 48 per cent of California, without calling them back.

He once made a bid to take over all third world countries in an attempt to take over the world by numbers. He had propaganda inserted in all third world countries, including Spain, India and Ireland. The campaign came to a great halt when Bob Geldoff intervened and refused to allow this to take place. Before Spacey could kill him, Geldoff sang. This killed thousands in the nearby area, but secured that no-one would try that again, as Spacey was hospitalized for three weeks.

He also participated in organising the Twin Towers attacks by using his great impersonation skills to convince the Arabs to let him help. He then funded their attack for them, and actually helped them steal the planes themselves, before transmorphing into a bald eagle and escaping. The reasons behind his helping the attackers it still unclear, though some suggest it was to do with his raging hatred of Willie Nelson and the Pentagon.

Good deeds[edit | edit source]

Fucking up Adam Sandler with a toaster and inventing buggery. Releasing Stewie Griffin from his basement, discovering the cure to smoking (Committing arson).

He invented numbers so that 69 could be a number.

Lunch[edit | edit source]

He once went to lunch, and after that he went to your house and ate your babies.

Filmography[edit | edit source]

Spacey's career as an "actor" truly began in 1995, with the release of both the usual suspects and se7en. These two films defined him as a bastard and set his career ball rolling permanently. It wouldn't stop till it ate New York.

1997 gave us L.A. Confidential, 1998 the negotiator, and 1999 American Beauty. Hit after hit Spacey proved that he had what it takes to rape cinema and kill its parents. he only ever had one rival. And that rival was Walken.

Trivia[edit | edit source]

"Look, I can make it hover! See? Now it's goin' up your ass!"
  • He has had sex on 6,969 occasions, all with different people, including you while you sleep.
  • He once appeared on the hit American comedy show "Rosanne" and was paid 17 million U.S dollars for 6 minutes of footage. He killed the cast with his extensive paper clip collection afterward, bar Rosanne, who sat on his face.
  • He has an extensive paper clip collection.
  • He found Bigfoot, and killed it.
  • Gravity is more of a suggestion than a law to him.
  • He is both himself and the legendary swing singer Bobby Darin.
  • Spacey once stabbed Superman with a led tea spoon after Superman claimed to be more "super" than him. There has been a documentary made of this.
  • He's obsessed with Jeffrey Dahmer, Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, Katy Perry and Satan, all of whom (except the last one, are his kids).
  • Spacey also killed Hitler, purely because he doesn't like competition.
  • He broke up ABBA, ending there pop supremacy purely because they irritated him. He did so by going through each of their bedrooms with a pillow and a hammer at night time.
  • He had sex with Jesus and never called back. This is because Jesus and Kevin both failed to pay their phone bills.
  • Acquitted of sex crimes in multiple countries. Research shows that there are still many countries where he can be accused, arrested and then released. (antarctica is on thin ice.)

See also[edit | edit source]