Kaare Fjomp
Kaare Fjomp | |
|---|---|
| Kåre Fjomp | |
 Do you see it? This is not actually a can of spam, it's just Kaare Fjomp in a suit! Prime example of this man's trickery. | |
| Scrapped McDonald's Mascot | |
| Personal details | |
| Born | |
| Died |
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| Nationality | Bergenese |
| Spouse(s) | Queen Erna Solberg of Bergen(dead), Lan Marie Nguyen Berg(dead), Jan Teigen(dead), Tommy Wiseau |
| Children | King Kaare Fjomp II of Bergen, Frank Fjomp, Gudrunn Fjomp, Tommy Wiseau Fjomp II, Jake Paul, Logan Paul, Felix "PewDiePie" Kjellberg, Ekqkfk Jki, Bob |
| Signature |  |
“Nah man this shit not bein up to snuff, its over bro!”
– Kaare Fjomp's official twitter account
“Do you see it?”
– Kaare Fjomp about to murder someone
“Om nom nom, nom nom”
– Kaare "delivering" pizza
Kaare "Funny Man" Fjomp (Norwegian: Kåre Fjomp) was a serial killer, comedian, playful prankster, and potential sex offender who masqueraded as a Spam mascot for famous BDSM-toy producer McDonald's. He's played major roles in hit movies, such as the blockbuster, best-of-all-time, award winning movie "The Room"(Party Member #2), the cult classic "Foodfight"(Mr Clean), and "Shark Tale"(The Whale in the car wash).
Though one might believe the abrupt ending of his career would be the result of exposing his severe crimes against humanity; the beginning of the end started three days prior, when he posted a text saying: "Nah man this shit not bein up to snuff, its over bro!" on his official Twitter account. The Tweet ended up becoming a massive internet meme the day after, acting as a distraction to Kaare's plan until his day of retribution.
His current location is yet to be located.
Biography[edit | edit source]
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Scholars theorize that Fjomp was conjured into this world June 6, 1966 in Bergen, though further evidence is needed. Living with his upper class family, he presumably studied (at the age of 3) and failed astrology and the arcane arts (caught plagiarizing Uncyclopedia) in Bergen University (Universitetet i Bergen) and the Aquarium in Bergen. Despite his failings, he would still try using his knowledge and massive brain to change and improve the world. People living in his area would comment on a cape-wearing figure, presumably Kaare walking around the street, educating them on how The Sun was the hottest planet in the galaxy or how to take a shit without toilet water hitting their ass. All of these funny and wacky actions got him the nickname "Funny Man".
Early Jobs[edit | edit source]
Kaare's first job was as a pizza delivery boy for norwegian pizza chain "Peppes Pizza" (1982-1982). He was mediocre at best according to his former colleagues, though complaints from customers of half-eaten pizzas raised in the time he was working. He was fired 5 months into his job, with reasoning being: "not your pizza, funny man". He then got mad and ranted about it on his official Facebook account and beat the fuckin shit out of/ owned a liberal.
His second job was as a gardener for the royal family of Bergen (1983-1984). He was actually an efficient gardener, in fact he didn't even need any tools. While he worked there he might have shagged the Queen, which may or may not be the reason he was fired. But it was too late since he had already spread his seed.
He then went on to become a mailman (1984-1984), a job that only lasted one day since he just drove home, opened all the mail, and then proceeded to push the truck into the ocean to hide any evidence.
Architectural Career[edit | edit source]
After his mailman fiasco he went back to college to study architechture. He flew to the U.S. and studied at the University of California. The University of Oslo didn't want him, explained it as "...his grades were for real dogshit". Some of his most famous works are the Dublin Spire (which would later inspire the toy store "Bad Dragon"), The Defenestration Window, and the Colossus of Rhodes (later plagiarized by the Statue of Liberty). Most of his other works are either undiscovered or not able to be officially registered as his work.