Gary, Indiana
“♫ Gary, Indiana, Gary Indiana, Gary, Indiana... ♫”
 Gary's sprawling central business district is renowned for its signature post-apocalyptic architecture that detracts tourists across the world. | |
| Motto: There are no things that are great that we are doing. | |
| Civic anthem: Gary, Indiana by the Music Man | |
| State | Indiana |
| Official nickname | Steel City (1906-2000) Steal City (2000-present) Buckle of the Rust Belt Scary, Indiana |
| Official language(s) | English |
| Mayor | Michael Jackson |
| Established | 1906 |
| Currency | Mugging |
| Opening hours | 90% of the city is permanently closed. |
| Population | 69,000 (nice) |
Gary, Indiana was an ancient city in the United States state of Indiana that is now in ruins. It was recently excavated during the drainage of the Grand Kankakee Marsh in 2013. Artifacts found at the site suggest Gary was the most advanced civilization of all time before its untimely disappearance from history. There are many different perspectives on when and how Gary began to decline and disappear. Some speculate that the city was suffocated and buried in its own smog a quarter of a trillion years ago, only 23 milliseconds after Pompeii destroyed Mount Vesuvius in Europe.
The city was founded by a bunch of industrialists who lacked vision, which led to it becoming the shithole it is today. It is sometimes described as real life sandbox game, where people can explore any building they like and murder a bunch of NPCs without the risk of being arrested.
There are two things Garyites can only brag about: steel and Michael Jackson. If you ask a Garyite to list good things about their city other than those things, they will call you a racist bigot.
History[edit | edit source]
In 1906 BC, Sir Elbert Henry Gary-Indie Ana, a Chicagoese-American businessman, judge, sumo wrestler, as well as the founder, President, Prime Minister, King, and Duke of U.S. Steel, who was named after the mythical pet snail of SpongeBob SquarePants, the ancient Chicagoese God of Business, decided to flee environmental persecution in Chicago by establishing to a new society where industrialists would be free to pollute and to treat their workers however the fuck they wanted.
After a hot minute of crossing Lake Michigan on the U.S.S. Elbert Henry Gary Is Awesome, Sir Gary chose to build his free state in an ugly patch of nature and disgusting biodiversity in northwest Indiana that very badly needed a makeover of gray concrete and industrial sludge. Because Sir Gary was secretly the son-in-law of God, he was able singlehandedly change the course of the Calumet River and built the universe's largest steel plant to ever exist using only his bare hands (along with 30,000 slaves. But they were Black, so they didn't count). U.S. Steel left urban planning up to the peasants, and it went the way we all expected: utter chaos. Most of the people who settled in Gary just wanted a job and to have fun. So after a few hours of working at the mill, they would start shooting each other once they are off shift. It was fucking awesome.
The steel mill was heavily fortified just in case a bunch of unionized savages tried to storm the place, which did happen eventually in 1919, Thankfully, our brave heroes in the Indiana National Guard mowed them all down, and U.S. Steel smelted their useless bodies in the plant's furnaces, after which their processed biological ingots were turned into rails for the South Shore Line, a planned magical railway that was to transport civilized rich people to Heaven. Later, however, it was re-routed to Chicago after God sued the railway company at the Lake County Circuit Court for trying to trespass on His private property.
Steel city[edit | edit source]
The Gary Works steel mill was the best thing to ever exist. It produced steel of such high quality it turned Gary from a tiny industrial hamlet to the second largest megatropolis in Indiana in five days. The steel was so sophisticated it could make cars fly, resurrect dead people, and turn Michael Jackson White.
Demographics[edit | edit source]
For some reason, there are 69,000 people (yes, that's the actual population in 2023) who continue to live in Gary to this day pretending like the city still exists.
Timeline[edit | edit source]
| Decade | Population ! |
|---|---|
| 1910 | 251 |
| 1920 | 550,002 |
| 1930 | 12,689,783 |
| 1940 | 56,694,201 |
| 1950 | 101,234,789 |
| 1960 | 334,678,612 |
| 1970 | 989,999,123 |
| 1980 | 2,696,969,696 |
| 1990 | 500,000,000 |
| 2000 | 1,678,000 |
| 2010 | 420,000 |
| 2020 | 69,000 |
| 2030 | 11 |
| 2040 | 0.03 |
Culture[edit | edit source]
Sports[edit | edit source]
Laser Tag[edit | edit source]
Laser Tag is a very popular sport in Gary. However, because most Garyans can't afford laser guns, they have to use real life pistols instead. The sport has received widespread criticism for the number of players who have been killed. The City Government has attempted to ban real-life Laser Tag, but the sport remains too popular.
Cops and Robbers[edit | edit source]
Garyans like to play an ultra-realistic version Cops and Robbers. Usually, the robbers win.