Egg
An egg always comes before the chicken, but always ends up at your local fookin' Tesco's ma'e wi'h a bunch of chemicals! Bloody processin'.
Some children are cursed to have a head shaped like an egg. Please think of these children when you yourself are cracking an egg. If you don't I will break all 602 bones in your body making 206 left after they protrude through your skin.
The actual egg description[edit | edit source]
Eggs are the most dangerous way to get your protein, the outside is not edible, which is why you CAREFULLY remove it leaving a very fragile blob. But if you do it it is still poisonous so you have to extract the inside and put tap water in instead. Even then, this is a very hard way to do it so it isn't recommended to do it. Eggs have yolks and white, the white is the chicken's liquid feathers even though it is translucent. The yolk on the other hand is not translucent being a mix of bleach and urine. When an egg hatches from the egg, a bird will start to form, white eggs are the first form of the egg. Browned eggs are the second form having time to form the chicken. Once the chicken hatches, remove all factories as their lungs can turn into a yolk if their lungs are exposed to global warming or factory smoke. The birds' bleached lungs will not allow them to breathe, i.e. killss them.
The Eggs of Mystery[edit | edit source]
Eggs are a brand of panty hose, being very similar to Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek. The hose are distributed in small plastic eggs, and are often called "L'eggs," which is someone's idea of a joke. (Perhaps a pun on leg and egg?)
Charles Darwin postulated that the chicken did not come first, an assertion that started a battle that simmered until 12 December 2005, when Judge John E Jones III jotted down some quick notes on his thoughts on "Charlie". No further simmering, sauteing, baking or even mixing of this controversy has occurred since. Meanwhile, Le Corbusier considered Kinder Surprise chocolate eggs as a machine of numbing inevitability, presumably because he never bought the ones with assault weapons inside.
The most common type of egg is the Michael Jackson egg, then followed by the chicken egg. Another famous example of an egg is Albert Einstein, as he was white on the outside and yellow on the inside.
Scrambled eggs[edit | edit source]
Similar to scrambled potatoes, yet somehow more "eggy", scrambled eggs are thought to have originated somewhere inside a hen on a trampoline, but the exact source has yet to be ascertained. The hen may have looked something like Lindsay Lohan, but it is unlikely both breasts were involved.
An alternative definition of "scrambled eggs" is the gold decoration on military clothing, used by the higher ranks to denote the highness of their ranks. The lower ranks would use the term "scrambled eggs" when referring their superior officers, leading to no end of wild horseplay and raucous fun.
Eggs are scrambled when their hard-drive memory is lost and encoded. This can lead to serious problems when trying to install new programs on you egg.
According to one Hazul Cheet, eggs are in fact weapons created by the Nigerian–Welsh alliance, an army from the near future bent on world domination. This alliance created eggs as a weapon and sent them back in time, in order to weaken the rest of the worlds defences. Hazul Cheet suggests that the only way to defend yourself from eggs is to 1) fill your country with sheep and mountains or 2) fill your country with Stubborn god-fearing people. As Wales is full of sheep and all Nigerians are stubborn and god-fearing they are the only countries protected from the egg-warfare.
These rumours are still being debated.
Eggs Benedict[edit | edit source]
Eggs Benedict are a wicked, wicked, wicked form of eggs unscrupulously served with vile ham and sinister hollandaise sauce. They were invented by one of the naughtiest men in history, Benedict Arnold, who used to push grannies into the men's loos, and anyone who orders them is not to be trusted.
Nuts[edit | edit source]
Eggs are also known to be closely related to nuts due to the fact that because the egg came before the chicken (which is still under debate), the first egg was discovered to have come from a lizard which was in fact born from a large hazel nut. This nut was, in turn, laid by a chicken. This hatched from an egg. This created the unsolvable paradox of the fact that an egg can't be un-boiled.
Which came first[edit | edit source]
In case you are wondering, the egg came first. Then I came. Nine months later, Ernest was born. Although technically the rooster came first 'cos God lays eggs!
Easter eggs[edit | edit source]
Easter eggs are thought to be the only known eggs to come from a mammal. They are actually living, breathing organisms. Easter eggs are the offspring of the Easter Bunny, a pedophiliac rabbit who is known to enjoy such games as I Spy, Where's Waldo, and scavenger hunts, and Dennis Rodman, who gives them their flamboyancy and color. Unless you want the Easter Bunny to haunt you, you must sacrifice at least 37.5 eggs. Every Easter, the Easter Bunny and Dennis Rodman go out for a few McRibs, and come back with zillions of tiny little immobile children who are doomed to be first lost in random children's houses and yards, and then promptly split open when they are found by the children. Dennis Rodman declines any involvement in the breeding of Easter eggs, but everyone knows he's lying, he does everything, he also might have stomped on some every year but that is unknown. Easter eggs may or may not also be from the Devil.
