Forum:Ralph's Radical Rock (Choos* Your Own Adv*ntur*)

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This totally isn't an ASBOWAAT ripoff! It's wholly original, I insist! You play this just as you play OPOSSUM, the Dungeon Master, but without a particular writing symbol.

Howdy to all you on Uncyc. You now stand, solitarily and in total nudity, on "Ralph's Radical Rock", a small island in Phuckyuu Bay, days upon days of nautical voyaging away from any signs of human civilization.

Not a plant or animal crawls on Ralph's Radical Rock.

Ralph's Radical Rock actually has laws- actually, just a law. This law is as follows:

Don't say anything that has that ugly fifth symbol of our Latin writing ways in it (Sigs don't count!) That symbol was taboo'd by a tribal shaman, "Ralph", a thousand blood moons ago; his soul still haunts this rock.

If you do, IT may stalk and possibly snack upon you. And you don't want to know what IT is: with our linguistic limitations, I couldn't say how it looks or acts. All I can say is that it's probably big and scary.

Will you finally abandon this prison? Or will this island crush you with its rocky jaws? Or will you slowly grow fond of this stunning vacation spot?

A story of starvation, constipation and damnation now starts.

Two days ago, that bastard did throw you off his fishing boat. You slowly and painfully float to Ralph's Radical Rock, shockingly without drowning. This isn't so miraculous- it's goddamn torturing, that's what. Fish jump and flash through raging H2O. Wild winds roar on Ralph's Rock, and a horrid storm is coming quick. What will you do?

Oᑭöᔑᔑᙀᙏ (vandalize my talk page) 00:48, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

I Ralph on Ralph's Rock. 👻_CUN Turb0-SunSpookrise, Esquire 👻 00:51, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

You Ralph on Ralph's Rock. Ralph, that crazy ghost of an old shaman, says to you: "Gross, Quit that, crazy castaway!" Ralph bangs his ghostly fist, causing Ralph's Rock to split in half. This is now North Ralph's Radical Rock!

Oᑭöᔑᔑᙀᙏ (vandalize my talk page) 00:58, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

I wish to b* allow*d to us* the fifth symbol of the damn Latin script 👻_CUN Turb0-SunSpookrise, Esquire 👻 01:00, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

Ralph: "And you wish to say it? This castaway is a total madman! Humans, spirits and gods did hold that taboo for many, many moons. If you wish to join us lowly ghosts, you may say it, fool. IT is watching."

Oᑭöᔑᔑᙀᙏ (vandalize my talk page) 01:09, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

I abandon Ralph's Rock and say it: E. 👻_CUN Turb0-SunSpookrise, Esquire 👻 01:11, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

You try to abandon Ralph's Rock, but you cannot swim far. You gulp and say a word with That Horrid Symbol, and IT IS NOW FOLLOWING YOU. Your scrawny arms and lungs will not allow you to abandon IT, but luckily, IT hasn't caught you. So far."

Oᑭöᔑᔑᙀᙏ (vandalize my talk page) 01:17, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

I jump onto a whale and hitch a ride to North Bumfuck, South Dakota 👻_CUN Turb0-SunSpookrise, Esquire 👻 01:35, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

You climb aboard a chubby orca. You can now say that Symbol Which Ralph Forbids again, but IT will still haunt you. You WILL again stay upon that island- Ralph's wizardry sticks around. From Horrid Symbols in your saying and writing, his moons-old black magic will slowly grow in might. You must stop your magical binding. Your orca flops on Washington's coast, but it stays flopping, slowly inching towards North Bumfuck. With this pitifully sluggish gait, you know that IT will soon catch up.

Oᑭöᔑᔑᙀᙏ (vandalize my talk page) 02:17, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

I distract that scary Ralph ghost guy by drawing "That Horrid Symbol" on sand as my orca flops towards North Bumfuck. 🎄🎄🎄DaniPine3 (talk)🎄🎄🎄 10:44, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

Ralph didn't know about you drawing that symbol in sand; Ralph's too far away for giving any fucks. But by stopping to draw it, you allow IT (which isn't Ralph, if you don't know) to catch up. IT is swimming off-coast, as quick as a drunk mosquito doth fly.

Oᑭöᔑᔑᙀᙏ (vandalize my talk page) 13:10, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

I guess the name of the creature: a grue? 👻_CUN Turb0-SunSpookrise, Esquire 👻 13:19, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

It's not a "G-R-U"-plus "that symbol", but FOUR of such horrid glyphs? Did you go mad on that island? Now IT won't try to kill you, it now wants to chomp your arm off, so you will grow it back, and chomp your arm off again, and you will grow it back, and it will do this again and again and again. Of this and it killing you, this is obviously worst.

Oᑭöᔑᔑᙀᙏ (vandalize my talk page) 13:29, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

Methinks ye art crazed beyond reason. Perchance thee would care for some tea?

It isn't pitch black, but I'm not giving any fucks. IT chomps down on your arm, and you grow it back, again and again and again. You wish that IT would just kill you.

Oᑭöᔑᔑᙀᙏ (vandalize my talk page) 13:39, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

I knew it! It is a grue! I kill myself with a brick. 👻_CUN Turb0-SunSpookrise, Esquire 👻 14:00, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

IT is not a G-R-U-Fifth-Symbol. IT is triangular, not boxy. Also, how did you obtain a brick?

Oᑭöᔑᔑᙀᙏ (vandalize my talk page) 14:09, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

I summon two thousand raccoons on top of Ralph's cranium 14:43, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

If IT is triangular, spooky and with insanity, would IT happ*n to hav* as a nam* Bill?

(this guy)

🎄🎄🎄DaniPine3 (talk)🎄🎄🎄 15:12, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

In fact, "IT" was originally known as Bill. Also, your raccoons go right through Ralph; Ralph is a ghost. Ralph laughs his ass off. "IT" got onto Washington's coast, RUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!

Oᑭöᔑᔑᙀᙏ (vandalize my talk page) 15:28, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

In typical Choos* Your Own Adv*ntur* fashion, I pull out an M-16 battl* rifl*. Sфvieт☭ 15:31, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

You go RATATATATATATATA and blow IT to a bunch of pulp. You fool, 16 as a word has two Horrid Symbols in it! Thus, similarly to a particular mythical bird, IT is born again from its ash, only as a baby. But ITs grow up in only six days, so you should fucking RUUUUUNNNN throughout the six days in which you still can.

Oᑭöᔑᔑᙀᙏ (vandalize my talk page) 15:41, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

I pull out my M-46 gun, which has no Horrid Symbols in its word and thus will kill IT. 🎄🎄🎄DaniPine3 (talk)🎄🎄🎄 15:47, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

Sorry, but you lack clothing, so you got nothing to pull an M-46 out of. So how did you obtain an M-46? It did fall from a cloud and hit your scalp. Had you not got a major concussion, you could kill IT. Also, that concussion did turn you batshit crazy."

Oᑭöᔑᔑᙀᙏ (vandalize my talk page) 16:21, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

Я ДОСТАЮ ИЗ СУМКИ СВОЙ ПОЛНОСТЬЮ ЗАРЯЖЕННЫЙ Автомат Калашникова, КОТОРЫЙ ВСЕ ВРЕМЯ БЫЛ РЯДОМ СО МНОЙ! Советский☭ 16:23, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

Понятия не имею, как, но, похоже, сотрясение мозга заставило тебя говорить по-русски. Жаль, что рифмуется только по-английски. Но в любом случае, давайте отпразднуем (полную) смерть ОНО!

Oᑭöᔑᔑᙀᙏ (vandalize my talk page) 16:53, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

Товарищ, я родился в старой коммунистической России. Я говорил по-русски еще до того, как появился на свет. Sфvieт☭ 16:58, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

Ах, ещё один враг буржуазии. Как насчёт того, чтобы приехать ко мне на дачу и напиться водки? Я могу помочь тебе распространить коммунизм на Ральфс-Рок и этих американских свиней. -Ѳрфssцм

Oᑭöᔑᔑᙀᙏ (vandalize my talk page) 17:06, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

Хорошо. Просто убедись, что скажешь, что это не был настоящий коммунизм, если все провалится. Sфvieт☭ 17:12, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

You and your marsupial tovarishch stick around for a bit, chugging vodka and crushing capitalism. Should you turn Ralph's Radical Rock into a kolkhoz? Or should you start a GLORIOUS РЕВОЛЮЦИЯ to fuck up capitalist Nazi MuriKKKan pigdogs? Walbro could assist you, OPOSSUM and Dani could call him up.

Oᑭöᔑᔑᙀᙏ (vandalize my talk page) 17:21, 25 October 2025 (UTC)