FTA satellite jokes
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These jokes are intended for Americans and Canadians who are interesting in getting FTA (free-to-air) satellite television. Enjoy them and laugh.
Good jokes[edit | edit source]
What is the average FTA satellite television customer? A lazy Canadian or American who refuses to pay $70/month for high quality television.
What is the typical FTA satellite television customer's favorite television networks? Lifetime, HBO, and The CW so they don't have to pay $70/month to have them.
What makes the pay-per-view experience better for FTA satellite television customers? They get to keep the money so that legitimate customers don't get new channels or movies for years.
How long do a FTA customers keep pirating his satellite television signal? As long as their nerdy grandson still lives with him while his sisters or cousins get to go off to college to become nurses and teachers.
If you switch the letters in FTA around, what do you get? The physique of a typical FTA satellite television customer (FAT).
What makes American television better for an FTA customer than Canadian television? Sex, drugs, violence, rock and roll attract 9 out of 10 new FTA satellite television customers everyday to their (nearly) uncensored smut.
What makes FTA satellite television better than college? You get college movies on your dish that you don't have to pay for. Paying for college can be a real bitch sometimes.
Excellent jokes[edit | edit source]
What is the secret to having a good FTA satellite television channel? Make everything have at least TV-14, lace in some prescription drug commercials, and put in shows that come on after 6PM so people will risk losing their FTA television service before being able to view it (a fix will pop up in three days).
What is the FTA satellite television customer's favorite movie? Something that is on the pay-per-view that is raunchy, violent, and not appropriate for anyone with autism or with small children (who may have autism).
What will people need on the moon colonies someday? An FTA satellite television complete with their smutty American programming.
How long does an FTA satellite television receiver lasts? Until someone makes a better one ten years from now. Then the old FTA receiver gets sold or thrown in the basement.
How will you know that the current economic recession has gotten worse? When people trash their FTA satellite television and start watching terrestrial again.
What is the capital of FTA satellite television land? Glendive, Montana where there are only 2 television stations (5 if you live downtown). You better have free-to-air satellite television if you live in that area.
Extremely funny jokes[edit | edit source]
What is the average IQ of an FTA satellite television viewer? The same number as the number of channels he watches in a 24-hour period.
What is the FTA satellite television customer's pet peeve? Hearing about something on Canadian television they can't pirate on their dish.
Who polices for FTA satellite signals? The sky gods at Dish Network, DirecTV, BellTV, and Shaw Direct.
How many people can watch the same FTA television channel at one time? About 25 if you can get them in the right mood.
What is the difference between FTA satellite television and getting it legitimately? With FTA, you have to do the upgrades yourself for free. With the legitimate dish, you pay lots of money for the satellite to upgrade itself. You still get a better deal with the legitimate dish.
Redneck jokes[edit | edit source]
If you believe that all science fiction shows start on satellite before they get on terrestrial, you might be a FTA satellite television redneck.
If you believe that the satellite companies are greedy and pirating is a way to get around their restrictions, you might be a FTA satellite television redneck.
If you believe that NASCAR is better seen on ESPN instead of TSN because you like the commercials better, you might be a FTA satellite television redneck.
If your favorite hairdresser and several other people down the street watch FTA satellite television for the better channels, you might be a FTA satellite television redneck.
If the local police are using FTA satellite television and not arresting people who pirate it, you might be a FTA satellite television redneck.
If you believe that The Simpsons have FTA satellite television, you might be a FTA satellite television redneck.
If you believe that quality TV started with FTA satellite television, you might be a FTA satellite television redneck.
If you believe that Bell Express Vu is good only for the local news, you might be a FTA satellite television redneck.
Racial jokes[edit | edit source]
What is the difference between black people and white people when it comes to television? Black people struggle to pay for cable every month while the white people get to steal satellite signals that come into their property "uninvited" for "free."
What do Latino Canadians do with FTA satellite television? Watch Telemundo and hope it stays up.
What do Chinese Canadians do with FTA satellite television? They don't need it because they only watch 1 hour of television per day (CHCH News).
Why do Native North Americans watch FTA satellite television? They own the air and the land so they shouldn't have to pay for their signals.
Why would a Pakistani man have FTA satellite television? He wouldn't but he would find a few white guys on welfare to sell the system to for dirt cheap.