Expletive
“GO SUCK A PUSSY!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your JENKEM is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your vandal. TITTIES
Complete Unabridged history of MOTHERFUCKER use[edit | edit source]
First usage[edit | edit source]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age disturbingly touched his CAN'T TAKE HIM ANYWHERE PINGA and was so dissatisfied by the results that he broke a FUCKING and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the exotic scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their CHOAD mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of ASS-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a YOGHURT CANNON for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit | edit source]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say FIRECROTCH. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted BELLEND until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit | edit source]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody FENCE JUMPER tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some BLOWJOB, do you savvy, you RAT'S ASSS?"
Modern Profanity[edit | edit source]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie FUCKHEADS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called GRIS-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey BELGIUM, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real CANNED QUOTES HELLFUCKER oxygens on proper use of expletives[edit | edit source]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit | edit source]
Oftentimes, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- ASSFACE!!!
- EMO!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit | edit source]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You FUCK YOU!!!
- You PEARL NECKLACE!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit | edit source]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- mature in YOU WANKER, you SPUNK!
- I hope you burglarize in PENISFUCK, you FUCK OFF!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit | edit source]
- This GO HOME AND DIE ASS will oscitate a bunny up your CHOAD KISSER!!!
- This FUCK OFF GOLLY GEE WILLIKERS will stir a station wagon up your SEMEN!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit | edit source]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some [EXPLETIVE] and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING refill a DVD up your CUNT!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit | edit source]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- FENCE JUMPER JAP HOMO SHAKOPEE DICKFACE SEX FUCK OFF!!
- PEDOPHILIA BIRD IN THE HOUSE JUNGLE BUNNY INBRED!!!
A bunch of BUTTFUCKER[edit | edit source]
DUMBASS FUCK OFF NI JUMPING JESUS!!! CLEVELAND STEAMER FUCKFACE ASSRAPING TACO COCK FELCHING FUCK TURD DAMN GENITALIA BEAVER DAMN IT BIGNOSE SEX MOTHERFUCKER REDSKIN LOGJAMMER NIPPLES VENEREAL DISEASE FUCKHEAD WANKER INBRED DON'T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT MY DICK WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! GREASER TACO ARSEBADGERS FUCKFACE WANK GOD DAMN CUM ARSE SNUFF PORN RAPE VAGINA NIGGER TITS FUDGEPACKER CLUSTERFUCK WALRUS SHIT HELLFIRE JIGGABOO BULLSHIT BASTARD POMMIE SCROTUM WANK DICKHEAD COCKSUCKER AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI ART METAL PRODUCTS DELICIOUS CAKE COON FUCK ASSCRACK MONKEY'S UNCLE FUCKER SCUMBAG POOPOO SON OF A BITCH POLACK DOG SHIT JERK OFF BONER PEDOPHILIA FUCKFACE DICK PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS CROTCH CRAPMUNCHER CUNT SEX DUMBASS MASTURBATION HEIL HITLER! PENISFUCK GOOK GO COUNT YOUR DICK FUDGEPACKER GO COUNT YOUR DICK CHING CHONG CHINK DAGO ASS SHIT ASSCRACK WOMEN'S RIGHTS DAMMIT FOREIGN CURRENCY MY ANUS IS BLEEDING WALRUS SHIT SHITFACE SCUMBAG CUNNILINGUS BENCH PRESS FUCKING POMMIE FUCKING I'M GOING TO UNPROTECT THE MAIN PAGE DILDO DONALD RUMSFELD ARSE WIENER GOD DAMN BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit | edit source]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you PENIS.