Expletive
“GO SUCK A CROTCH!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your D'OH is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your mouth. CRAPMUNCHER
Complete Unabridged history of PUSSYLICKER use[edit | edit source]
First usage[edit | edit source]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age sporadically touched his BALL SACK cutlass and was so dissatisfied by the results that he employed a BUGGER OFF and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the hopeless scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their BELGIUM mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of DOUGHNUT PUNCHER-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a PEARL NECKLACE for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit | edit source]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say JOHNNY. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted DICKHEAD until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit | edit source]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody DIPSHIT tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS, do you savvy, you MASTURBATIONS?"
Modern Profanity[edit | edit source]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie JACK ABRAMOFFS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called ABO-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey CUNT, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real NIGGER TITS FRIG zombiebarons on proper use of expletives[edit | edit source]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit | edit source]
Oftentimes, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- COCKSUCKER!!!
- SHIT!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit | edit source]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You WANK!!!
- You DOT HEAD!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit | edit source]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- admonish in ASS, you MONKEY'S UNCLE!
- I hope you bamboozle in BLISTERING BARNACLES, you I WILL END YOU!!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit | edit source]
- This PIECE OF SHIT TAFFY will untie a alpaca sandwich up your SPUNK!!!
- This DAMN COON will blast a peat moss up your ANAL!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit | edit source]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some BUNG-HOLE and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING oscillate a peacock up your GANGBANG!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit | edit source]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- FUCK JACKASS SHIT BENSON IS BETTER THAN YOU FUCK YO COUCH, NIGGA NOW, I AIN'T SAYIN' SHE A GOLD DIGGER! PENISBIRD DIPSHIT!!
- TAMPON IN MY ASS [expletive deleted] WIKIPEDIA GIVING HEAD!!!
A bunch of ASSCRACK[edit | edit source]
FUCK YO COUCH, NIGGA FUCK OFF BLUMPKIN ASSHOLE FUCKSTAIN HELL O CANADA RUSKIE FUCK OFF MOTHERFUCKER [Insert lame, unfunny sentence with a single swear or ethnic slur here] JACK OFF COLONEL CLUSTER FUCK BASTARD SOD BUTTFUCKER DOM DeLUISE COON SHITSLINGING DAMN IT BENCH PRESS LENS CRAFTERS CHINA ISN'T COMMUNIST FUCKING COCKSUCKER WIENER CHIGGER AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI TWAT DICKFACE BITCH JACKASS NIPPLES ASSCRACK ASSHOLE SUCK MY DICK PENIS ON A BUN BALLS PISS ARTIST FUCKING A STEVE BALLMER FROG [EXPLETIVE] JIZZ HORSE SHIT BENSON SUCKS BOOBIES FUCKWIT DAMN CUNT WHORE PAGE BLANKING CUM ASSRAPING MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE TWAT DIRTY SANCHEZ LANGUAGE, TIMOTHY! GRINGO DAMN IT HORSE SHIT GOD DAMMIT PISSHOLE INBRED DAGO RAT'S COCK SHIT BONER TOSSER BUTT-HEAD DAMN SHITFUCKER MAMA MIA SHITBALLS VAGINA TITS & DICKS CRAPMUNCHER RUSTY TROMBONE FLYING FUCK FRENCH TICKLER PAKI BLUMPKIN SPANK THE MONKEY DAMN SHITTY SHITCOCK FUCKER DICKFACE BOOBS FLYING FUCK RAT'S ASS FOOTBALL SEMEN TIT SPRINKLES DIRTY SANCHEZ HITLER TIMBER NIGGER SEMEN ASSCRACK SHIT WANK ASS TITS HADJI ABO BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit | edit source]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you ASSRAPING.