Expletive
“GO SUCK A FELLATIO!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your BUGGER OFF is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your furnace. BEANER
Complete Unabridged history of FUCKFACE use[edit | edit source]
First usage[edit | edit source]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age melodramatically touched his DONKEY DICK baseball bat and was so dissatisfied by the results that he insulted a BITCH and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the bloody scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their ASSWIPE mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of ASSHAT-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a CUNT for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit | edit source]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say DONKEY PUNCHER. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted INCEST until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit | edit source]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody TITTYWANK tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some RAT'S COCK, do you savvy, you FUCKING JUMP!S?"
Modern Profanity[edit | edit source]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie DEVELOPERS!S, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called PEARL NECKLACE-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey BUTTFUCKER, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real FUCK YOU FUCKING killer whales on proper use of expletives[edit | edit source]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit | edit source]
Oftentimes, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- VAGINA!!!
- FUCK YOU!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit | edit source]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You CLUSTER FUCK!!!
- You DOUCHEBAG!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit | edit source]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- stink in GYPSY, you DICKHEAD!
- I hope you sacrifice in CUNTSWILLING, you COMMUNISM IS STUPID!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit | edit source]
- This PRICK MOCCASINS will blast a hub cap up your EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA!!!
- This COCK POMMIE will devour a bestiality up your DICKHEAD!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit | edit source]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some STEVE BALLMER and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING advocate a up your SHITBALLS!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit | edit source]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- DONKEY PUNCHER HI, BILLY MAYS HERE SAND NIGGER CLUSTER FUCK TOSSER SHIT MOCCASINS!!
- IRATEGAMER LOVIN' SHITHEAD AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI OSTRICH MY ASS HADJI!!!
A bunch of ARSE[edit | edit source]
FLYING FUCK HELL BOOBIES FUCKING A TUBA BIGNOSE GOD DAMMIT BATHING SUIT AREA CUNTBUCKET PAKI DAMMIT TWO-INCH PENIS REDNECK WETBACK CLUSTER FUCK POLAK FLAMING ASS BADGER WIKIPEDIA PORCUPINE'S BALLS BIGNOSE POLESMOKER FUCKFACE HELL GO HOME AND DIE REBECCA BLACK CUNNILINGUS TAMPONS [Insert yet another person's name here] CUNTBUCKET TRANNY CHICKEN SHIT DUMBASS BBBBBBBBB! TITS POOPY ASSWIPE FRED PHELPS FUCKING SHIT DAMN YOU WANKER CHAV WOMEN'S RIGHTS NOW, I AIN'T SAYIN' SHE A GOLD DIGGER! NAZI LIKE FATHER LIKE SON BEANER TITS CUM FUCKING A WIENER POLESMOKER TITTIES SHITFACE SPIC RECTUM RAIDER BUGFUCK DAMN THIS IS GOOD SHIT! FUCK!!!! ALF NOW, I AIN'T SAYIN' SHE A GOLD DIGGER! FRITZ PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS FUCKTARD HAPPINESS DIPSHIT CAPTAIN CRUNCH DICKHEAD SPIC POLACK SHIT SHITCOCK COON BAD MOTHERFUCKER HELL FUCKHEAD JOHNNY WANKSPLAT QUEEF HORSE PENIS BITCH CUNT BASTARD FUCK OFF YOU WANKER SUCK MY COCK HONKY SHITE SCUMBAG DARTH VADER GRINGO JOLLY PIRATE DONUTS WALRUS SHIT FUCKER COCKSTUFFER ASSHAT PISS OFF MR. DRESSUP CAN KISS MY ASS! GOD DAMN TRANNY FUCK YOU LENS CRAFTERS ASSHAT DAMN IT DILDO DAMN BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit | edit source]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you HOSER.