Desperate Dates
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
Quasi-Featured Article (30 March 2008)
|
|
Butterstick --
MSN/email: Nofatchicks@ribwich.com
"I want my baby back ribs"
- 44 Years old | Typical American
- Active in the last 24 hours (but not physically)
- Man seeking man, woman, or meat pie
A bit about me, and what I'm looking for:
I'm a man of many problems. Firstly, Coprophilia and Coprophagia, but as the Chinese say, "A dog cannot change its habit of eating feces". [1] I'm a chocoholic, and junkaholic, not that you could tell. I have a wonderful figure. My worst problem, though, has to be my obsession with basting myself with lard. My psychiatrist says it's because of childhood trauma. If you can get past this minor superficiality, than we might have a deep and caring relationship. Or maybe, a 'relationboat'. Haha, I'm so funny. So, digest the information in my profile, just as I would digest a small dog, and enjoy! I can't wait to eat meet you.
Personal Statistics[edit | edit source]
| Butterstick | His Ideal Woman | |
|---|---|---|
| Age | 44 | 18 - 24 |
| Ethnicity | Ethnics? I hate ethnics | No chinks, Niggers, Latinos, or skips |
| Height | 156 | Tall, with long legs. I usually keep my best food at the top of the pantry |
| Body type | A well 'oiled' machine. | No fat chicks |
| Eye Colour | Yellow | Any |
| Hair Colour | I can't get to a mirror | Chicken! Er, I mean, Blonde! |
| Butterstick | His Ideal Woman | |
|---|---|---|
| Smoke | No, it's bad for you | No |
| Alcohol | YES! You could say I'm an alcoholic (So does my doctor) | I hope so. Alcohol has proven instrumental in improving my chances of sex. A drunken prostitute with no way home is a willing subject indeed |
| Favourite Food | Well, you are what you eat, so some could say I'm a child at heart | Must like all food |
| Education | Computer Science | Any |
| Employment Status | Disability benefits | None, I'll need you to regulate my bodily functions. That's a full time job! |
| Income Level | $20,000 a year from benefits | None |
| Interests | I used to enjoy rollerblading, but government has passed legislation requiring me to be at least 4,000m away from other people when I attempt this. These days, in a bid to minimise legal obligations and insurance costs, I write 'wikipedia' articles. Apparently I fit right in there. |
|---|---|
| Hobbies | I have a fetish for cornballing. Also, like most others of my demographic, I code open source software for linux and various other GNU projects. |
| My Goal/Aspiration in life | When I was young, I just watched Ghostbusters. The Mr. Puffin-fresh character filled me with awe, even as I filled my mouth with marshmallows. At that moment, I wanted to be an actor. After a stint where I was repeatedly rejected to play Gord's father in Freddie Got Fingered, I scaled down my ambitions, and decided to not 'aim high and miss', but to 'aim low and hit'. I still failed, and my request to be Michelin's new mascot was denied |
| Living | My house, though only 3 years old, has been declared derelict by the housing department. Perhaps it was the slush pit in my backyard filled left over ham sandwiches and coca cola (A result of my failed project: 'Grow more ham sandwhich'), or perhaps the towering edifice I constructed on my roof paying homage to God (I dismiss the official claim that the house needs re-blocking. The supports are rated to hold over 2 tonnes). |
| Most awesome day ever | The day I bought myself a segway. I now have the urge to ride it around, doing magic tricks and dancing flamboyantly to Europe's 'A Final Countdown' |
| What I expect from sex | I expect to be able to utilise a 44 gallon drum, filled with water and cornstarch. Also, I believe sex, like most problems, can be solved with a two pulley system and a crate of vodka. And basting. Loads of basting |
| Worst day ever | Um, well. This kinda stems from my sexual expectations. So, I found myself rolling down a hill in a 44 gallon drum, and it gathered a lot of speed on the way down. My path took me through a park, where I completely demolished a children's playground (That was also where the first two deaths occurred). Still rolling, I took down two parked cars, and careened into a funeral motorcade. Needless to say, arrests were made. |
Quasi-Featured Article (30 March 2008)
This article was nominated to become a featured article; however, due to several votes being devoured by an Abishai, it didn't make the cut (9/13). Don't let this happen again! For just pennies a day, you can prevent another travesty of this nature, or vote for other articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.