Cyberpunk: Edgerunners

Cyberpunk: Edgerunners
Cyberpunk: Edgerunners
Genre	Hentai
Created By	A fame suckler
Developed By	Trigga
Starring	Cyberman, cyberwoman, cyberboy, cybergirl
Opening Theme	Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley
Country of Origin	Poland?
Language(s)	Not Polish!
No. of Seasons	1
No. of Episodes	10
Production
Runtime	Like 10 minutes or so

“Edgy.”
– Oscar Wilde

Cyberpunk: Edgerunners, (Abr: CP: Edge), is a Hentai series developed by CD-pp in association with Trigga^[1] and some other companies that follows the story of a motherless kid and his gang of choombas in Night City who fight against Microsoft, and most of them end up dead. It stands as a prequel to the eponymous video game, Cyberpunk 2077, and takes place about one year before the events of the game, making this Cyberpunk 2076 in essence. It was released to critical acclaim, and although they stated it was going to be a one off thing, Netflix swooped in to wag a finger and tell watchers that there was going to be an Edgerunners 2, which would also be a standalone series. So fork out that $18^[2] a month you sick animal, and get ready to need some new Kiroshi optics!

Premise[edit | edit source]

Cyberpunk: Edgerunners is set in Night City, a self-reliant moron-opolis located in California that suffers from extensive corruption (still), addiction (to drugs (still) and 'chrome'), and gang violence (also still). The city is split into districts and is controlled by corporations, including Microsoft and its arch-rival Milftech. The anime's story takes place in 2076 and follows an impulsive street kid named David Wal✽Martinez, who, after losing his mom in a drive-by shooting, chooses to become a cyberpunk (AKA an edgerunner), which is essentially a chromed out mercenary.

"Won't be needing this anymore..."

Characters[edit | edit source]

David Wal✽Martinez

A teenager who is a top student at the prestigious Microsoft Academy for the Criminally stupid. Because he's poor, he is bullied by his classmates. After his mom gets popped by a random shooting, he decides to turn into a criminal and packs his body with illegal tech that slowly turns him into a crazy person.

Listen, how's about you come over here and edge something else?

Lucy Goocy

A netrunner who becomes romantically involved with David after meeting him on a train, she introduces him to the life of a criminal. She hates Microsoft as she is a diehard Ubuntu fanatic, and dreams of going to the moon every day that ends in a "y."

Maine Kampf

A blond haired aryan unc who runs a gang of edgerunners in Night City. He used to be a client of David's mom, so he allows David to join his gang, the "Edgers" as a result.

Dorito

Maine Kampf's girlfriend and co-owner of the gang.

Pillar

A guy who cannot go two sentences without swearing at least twice. Older brother to Rebecca

Kiwi

A piece of fruit^[3] turned netrunner who is incredibly mean to everyone and everything as a result of being a literal vegetable. Mentors Lucy by teaching her that all men suck and the world is evil and other pessimistic things like that.

Falco-n

A literal nobody who just drives a car for the gang.

Rebecca

Someone foolishly gave a 3 year old midget a very large weapon one day, and Rebecca was reborn as a psychotic, evil, drug infused, rabid, short, and squeaky psychopath with an addiction to projectile based weaponry.

Faraday

Some guy who works for Milftech and also frequently gives out little quests for David + gang to go out and complete.

Adam Smasher

A real crazy piece of work, "more metal than machine," Adam smasher does two things: walks around giving people the stink eye, and quite literally smashing hoes^[4].

Doc

A local doctor who provides David with the means to become a crazy man, and also his drug plug.

Charles Tanaka

A guy who spends his time at work watching children at school. Gets his comeuppance via "hot girl to the brain stem."

Gloria

David's mother, who dies pretty much immediately.

Episodes[edit | edit source]

Season 1[edit | edit source]

Number	Title	Air Date	Locations	Plot Outline
1	Never Gonna Give You Up	September 13, 2022	Night City, a hospital, the Microsoft School for the Criminally Stupid	David is bad at school. David's mom gets shot. David finds a metal spinal cord!
2	Pinocchio	September 13, 2022	Night City, the Microsoft School for the Criminally Stupid, Lucy's apartment	David gets new tech. David gets expelled for beating someone up. David meets Lucy. Lucy tricks David.
3	Blow It Smoove Off	September 13, 2022	Lucy's apartment, some highway, Faraday's crib	David joins the Edgers gang. David helps in a heist! David meets Faraday.
4	Lucky Ducky	September 13, 2022	Edgers gang crib, a bar, Homeless People Alley	David trains with the gang. Pillar gets offed by a crazy homeless guy. David and Lucy kiss!
5	Eyeballas	September 13, 2022	JK's van, inside David's head, some random street	JK captures David. David is forced to watch Blippi on repeat. Lucy and Dorito save David.
6	SHE BURNIN'!	September 13, 2022	Kiwi's crib, inside Tanaka's head, the Edgers gang van	Maine Kampf starts to go nuts. Lucy kills Tanaka. Maine Kampf goes totally bananas and blows himself up!
7	Harder better faster stronger	September 13, 2022	Lucy's apartment, Microsoft HQ (in the past)	David is the boss now. David works on Faraday's job. David learns about Lucy's past at Microsoft.
8	Stay.. A Minute. Just Take. Your Time...	September 13, 2022	Microsoft labs, Milftech HQ, Doc's crib	David kills Microsoft employees by accident. Faraday betrays Milftech and turns to Microsoft. Lucy is captured by Kiwi and Faraday. (evil now)
9	Oh, The Humanity	September 13, 2022	Faraday's crib, Microsoft convoy on the road	David and gang attack a Microsoft convoy. Faraday impersonates Lucy to trick David. David gets a new skeleton! David kills lots of Milftech employees.
10	I'm Mooning You Right Now	September 13, 2022	Microsoft Tower, the Moon	David fights his way through Microsoft security. David kisses Lucy. David gets killed by Adam Smasher. Lucy goes to the moon!

Reception[edit | edit source]

A lot of people liked it, some people didn't, and it went one to help boost the sales of the video game by a whole bunch too. Don't ask for numbers because we genuinely don't have a clue by how much. It made it to Netflix's Top Ten list, which the only requirement to do so is to not be complete garbage.

IGN's quick press conference escape technique

Critical Reception[edit | edit source]

The critics cricked, the receptors recepted, and the morbii morbed. IGN tried to say something about the series but realized halfway through that it wasn't just a really long video game cut scene and immediately left the press room in a panic. Another despicable game journalism company, Polygon, quickly followed suit after making the same mistake. Hideo Kojima, founder of the Walking Simulator game series, was said to have "enjoyed ti [sic] so much, that I jized [sic] my pants, my pants!" The guy who started the whole craze with his role-playing game tried to put his two cents in and said it looked like his brain on the big screen, which is kinda fucked up.