Bearded dragon

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Bearded dragon.jpg
Eastern Bearded Dragon (Pogona barbata)
Scientific classification
Kingdom Animalia
Phylum Chordata
Class Reptilia
Order Squamata
Suborder Sauria
Family Agamidae
Genus Draco
Species Draco Beardus
Oh, I know, we'll put a beard on a dragon and slap it into Monster Manual IV! Completely new monster!

Gary Gygax on Bearded Dragons

Bearded Dragons are rare reptiles, whose astonishing biological charactaristic is their extremely long facial hair. This makes them unique among reptiles, not only due to the fact that they have hair, but also because many of them have very stylish goatees. Bearded dragons can use their hair to keep warm even in the extreme temperatures of the Australian Wetback.

Several species of Bearded Dragons exist:

Russian Bearded Dragon[edit]

The Russian Bearded Dragon (pogona longbeardus) is also known as the Boyar Dragon, as they often grow their beards to great lengths, and leave them wild and tangled much as pre-Peter the Great Russian boyars did. They are sometimes found in Russia.

Prismatic Bearded Dragon[edit]

The largest of the Bearded Dragons, the Prismatic Bearded Dragon (pogona holyshititsgonnakillus), additionally possesses a breath weapon known as a beard-ray. Effects of the terrible gas include: frothing at the mouth, intense fevers, and excessive growth of body and facial hair, which may cause death. Due to this amazing power, it was hunted to near extinction by fearful Dungeons and Dragons characters during the late 1980s. Its population is still recovering from this over-hunting, and is currently considered an endangered species.

Defeating a Bearded Dragon[edit]


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bearded dragon.

The most effective way to defeat any Bearded Dragon is to use the spell "Bigby's Scissor-Wielding Hand" to cut off its beard. A beardless Bearded Dragon will immediately be reduced to 0 hp, although this sometimes just transforms it into a regular dragon.