Anilingus

Anilingus is a variety of ice cream known for its bitter, acrid flavor, valued in some cultures as an aphrodisiac.

History

While anilingus is popularly thought to originate from either Uranus or cunnilingus, these are in fact urban legends that most likely arose as folk etymologies based on its name. In fact, anilingus was the creation of Pietro Anili, an Italian Renaissance merchant. The "lingus" in the name comes neither from cunnilingus nor Aer Lingus, but is the Latinization of Ling-Ling, used by Anili as a primary ingredient in the original recipe. Anili most likely first encountered Ling-Ling in powdered form when it samples were brought back from Imperial China by Marco Polo.

The anilingus trademark has been kept within the Anili family for over 420 years, though various unlicensed labels were started in France and Bulimia in the 18th and 19th Centuries, a few of which have survived today, though for legal reasons they are typically marketed as Ass to Mouth. A new variety, "chocolate anilingus", was introduced in the 1990s and heavily marketed on the Internet, but proved massively unpopular everywhere but Germany, where it still enjoys a large cult following.

Composition

The ingredients for anilingus are a closely guarded Anili family secret; however, careful tasting has revealed several elements. Since Ling-Ling is now extinct, anal is used as a substitute (the similarity in names being completely coincidental). The flavors of rectum, perineum, and nutmeg are also frequently attributed to the drink.

Recipes

Finger Lickin' Good!

A few popular recipes incorporate anilingus:

• Anal Cream Pie - one cup milk, one half-cup of sugar, one tablespoon of semen, yolks of two eggs, two scoops of anilingus
• Cafe Latte - two shots of espresso, one half-cup milk, one half scoop of anilingus
• Root Beer Float - one root of beer, or alternatively Coca Cola, with a scoop of anilingus

Anilingus is also often used to decorate the rim of a bowl of tossed salad.

As an Aphrodisiac

The aphrodisiac properties of anilingus are extremely controversial, with some blaming its reputation for the extinction of the Ling-Ling in 1950. Most Christians condemn the flavor as far too naughty; however, celebrities from Audrey Hepburn to Galadriel swear by it.

Health Concerns

The FDA has warned of Fecal E.Coli outbreaks linked to contaminated anilingus. The Anili corporation has claimed that there is little danger if it is correctly washed first. In any case, it is certainly less dangerous than spinach.

See also

• Cunnilingus - An accepted alternative recipe
• Bum Soup - Another related food